I often hear how some parents can be indifferent to their family and super nice to non family
It’s pretty much contradictory, inconsistent and confusing at the same time to see how different parents can be towards strangers more than their own family
The child will grow up thinking that their feelings don’t matter and become a people pleaser just to get their parents attention
That only if they are being nice and be a good boy/daughter, they will be treated well. But they will be afraid to make mistakes because they don’t want to be scolded by their parents.
That if they raise their opinions that are different from their parents, they will be shut down instead of heard and given silent treatment instead of talking things out.
Children walking on eggshells because they don’t want to hurt people’s feeling and surpress their feelings. That being yourself is not acceptable because it doesn’t meet societal expectations.
That they should not express their emotions or they will be seen as emotional, troubled kids, with tantrums but adults do the same tantrums when they are angry and mad at something
As asian kids we are raised in such a way that vulnerability means being weak instead of strength , courageous act for being honest about their feelings.
Thus creating a generation of people pleaser, that tolerates narcissistic,abusive, toxic who grew up in an unhealthy environment.
Hence why some kids grew up to become either exactly like their parents or the parents they wish they had.
Families should make their family members feel safe to come to instead of run from. A place where they can be seen, heard, and loved for that is what the Prophet SAW showed towards his family
“The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family.” – Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (Tirmidhi)
I lost contact with a friend 4 years ago. It turns out she was struggling processing her grief after the loss of her late mom. Suddenly she contacted me again this year and shared why she disappeared.
I told her my grief journey and that she doesn’t have to apologize for it. It’s okay to want to disappear because what she went through is not something anyone can be prepared for. No matter how long the loss took place, grief is still grief. Take as long as you need to get yourself back together. I am always here for you
I can’t say I am doing any better than you but I can understand how you feel. I’m glad you are sharing this with me and decided to reach me. I appreciate it. Sorry I was not able to be there for you either because I was also dealing with my own struggles.
So if you have any friends who are going through such grief, please don’t take any offense for disappearing or ignoring you. They are just taking their own time to recover from such emotions. Just wait till their storm passes and patiently wait for them to reach out- if they want to.
Sometimes not doing anything is also helpful enough, better yet, make Doa for them. Don’t try to fix something that you are not responsible for, just let them know that you will always be there for them.
The beauty of being a farmer is when you learn the hidden supply chain in bringing food to the table. Just like the food chain in our ecosystem, so does our supply chain depend on each other. No matter how small the role we think we are, our existence matters.
For example today we went to the market to find the person to ‘siang ikan’ @ process the catfish that we want to donate. Fish mongers only sell the fish but other people will do the ‘siang ikan’ for you.
If it wasn’t because of it, we would not know that there are people who get paid only to cut fish per kilo. They do their job so efficiently because they focus on one skill set everyday. Over time they get very good at it that they can finish their job quickly , what others would take longer to do themselves.
You don’t have to be good at everything, you can be good at one thing and do it so efficiently that people will find you for the skill we have.
Without these fish mongers, and fish cutting skilled people, we may not have food on our table. Since we no longer grow our own food and catch our own fish, we pay other people’s time for their service. Here’s to the unsung heroes who quietly stand at the corner and process our fish so that we can quickly cook them at home.
As Rumi says
“Everyone has been made for some particular work, and the desire for that work has been put in every heart. Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.”
It’s been two years since I last wrote anything here.
If there are people reading this, I am still alive. I was just busy living my life at the farm
A lot of things happened in the past 730 days. I have been doing a lot of self reflection and challenging myself to new things outside of my comfort zone.
I made new friends over the years, although only a handful of them but it’s the quality that matters. As compared to my younger days where I attract negative people, it’s probably because I also have flaws that seem to attract them too.
At this age I learn to be kind to myself and draw boundaries. I shared this to a friend
You can be kind and still have boundaries. You can be kind and still make mistakes. You can be kind and still cry.
You can be kind and still get hurt. You can be kind …and still try again.
When we put our happiness on people/career/things , we will never be happy.
Such happiness is only temporary and will be gone the moment we get it. It loses value. Happiness should come from ourselves, only when we are happy with ourselves we can share the happiness with others.
The longest relationship we have is with ourselves
There was a video on Omar Suleiman’s opinion on romance as rizq. The internet went wild as if those who remain single will only meet in Jannah. That is true but they lose the entire point of it that marriage should not be the goal. Rather our existence in this world and purpose of living should be reevaluated.
Do not fall for the idea of a person, the ideal marriage, being perfect.. rather focus on living the best life you can in His way. If Allah swt is the disposer of our affairs and has promised to us victory to those who have taqwa/tawakkal and faith of Him then we have gained the greatest allies we could ever ask for. Who is the better protector if it’s not Allah swt?
Spouses can leave you, boyfriend/girlfriend may dump you or cheat on you, your children will one day leave and build their own family elsewhere but Allah swt is always with us. Everything else in this world is temporary but Allah swt is forever.
Make peace with whatever troubling you and ask for His guidance. Leave your worry to Allah swt and let Him take care of the rest of it. It is not your job to figure out your life right away, but it’s our job to take care of this Earth and the life in it. To live our life with the sole purpose to please Him and only Allah swt.
So go on and live your life and see what happens. Or else you will miss it in a blink of an eye.
There’s a gen Z term called JOMO, the Joy Of Missing Out because you are not behind life. You are the life itself! Be happy….now (or don’t lol embrace all emotions)
There’s a beautiful word in Arabic, “Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal”
“All praise and thanks are only for Allah in ALL circumstances”
Which applies to being single too and not just hardships and tests in life. In fact being single is also a test to oneself and abstaining from sinful act.
In my 20s I usually attend weddings, by 30s, some of my friends are already divorced, that’s the reality.
But I also witnessed my friends passing away at the age of 30 & my mom passed away at 60 which makes you question a lot on what is the meaning of life.
Being single doesn’t bother me anymore, thank you for your concerns. I don’t look for happiness in people. I am happy with myself and loving myself the way I am.
I enjoy being single , having my quality alone time. No I don’t oppose marriage, I still do believe in it but it is not my priority.
I believe in Allah swt timing and He knows what is best for me. And if what is best for me now is being single, I am going to do my best to enjoy being single while I still can.
There’s a blessing in disguise and baraqah in it if we are grateful. Married or single is our Rizq. Both have their own challenges and advantages. If we are given a spouse and children , be grateful because Allah swt gives us the chance to be responsible of another human being, if we don’t have children , be thankful too, for Allah swt may also protect you from circumstances that we may not be prepared to handle, and if you have neither spouse or children, be even more thankful because perhaps Allah swt is saving you for someone whom you deserve but it’s not the time yet. But, you will soon cross path when the timing is right
Just like the sun never fails to set, or the moon to rise, or the tide to begin, and everything else designed and created in its own time and proportions so will your spouse arrive in it’s own time.
Allah swt does not create us just to waste or ‘sia-sia’. There’s a lot of ayat in the Quran that was taught to us on our purpose in life.
Instead, Allah swt created us as Caliph, to pray and worship Him , and only to Him we shall return!
حَيَّ عَلَى الصَّلاَةِ حَيَّ عَلَى الْفَلاَحِ
Pray and pursue excellence ! Pray and success will follow!
First post of the year. It’s been a while since my last post. I am still alive. Alhamdulillah
Life has been good for the most part but I have also been doing a lot of work in the healing process internally. They say grieve comes in waves, sometimes it’s calm, sometimes it’s big sometimes it’s small and back to being calm again. So does my life.
Last year, I decided to go for Umrah with my aunt. It was unplanned since I wanted to save enough money to go for Hajj instead. But Allah swt had different plans, He invited me for umrah first so I am more prepared for Hajj should one day the opportunity comes
I take it as an opportunity to heal and grieve better as I can be closest to His House. We went around November for almost two weeks. To prepare myself physically, I will make sure a month before I go for my Umrah, to take a brisk walk at least once or twice a week to build up my stamina. Even though I was in my mid 30s at the time, I can feel the difference in my stamina compared to my 20s. So if you want to go for Umrah or Hajj, walking is the best as there will be a lot of walking when you get there. Also make sure to slow down your activity and get enough rest leading up to the departure date.
I also learned from the Umrah class I attended and watched online to renew our intention on why we are going there. That it must solely be because of Allah swt or else there might be a lot of challenges. We are what we think, say , and do. So even though you haven’t flown yet, act as if you are already there. Be mindful of what you think and say verbally or even in your heart because you might get it or be tested with what you hate. There’s a lot of patience involved even before you start your Umrah journey. Dhikr is the best softener of your heart and resets our intention all the time so that you can complete it with ease. Insyallah.
Alhamdulillah the whole journey, everything went smoothly despite some hiccups. But nothing too serious except Mekah was a little cold for me compared to Madinah by the time we arrived. Our hotel was within walking distance from the Kaabah so it was easy and we could go back and rest in between praying times if we wanted to. Alhamdulillah.
Umrah, November 2022
Our first Umrah started around midnight. Usually there’s a lot of people because the night is long and uninterrupted by prayer calls. Our second one, our tawaf was done in the rain and shortly after coming out from Saie we found out there were flash floods but it was cleaned by the time we finished. Then, we did our final Umrah just before bidding farewell to Kaabah heading to Thaif and Jeddah airport later on. I cried on my last day when I finally have to go back to the hotel after completing my Tawaf Wida. Looking at the Kaabah for the first time and one last time hits you differently.
There are a few nice foods that I tried like Kunafa, Lamb Mandy, and also Kurma Ajwa ice cream was the best in Madinah! Look for gate 333
I also tried Al Baik Fried Chicken. It was just okay for me. But we end up going to the Malaysia restaurant in Safwa Tower almost every day towards the end of the Umrah 😂
On one of our trips , we stopped by the traditional rose perfumery. It was already late so we only stopped for a bit before going back to our hotel. Then we fly home.
A little back story about my Umrah is that I made an intention to go to Makkah more seriously in the year my mom passed away in 2019. I felt touched by one kind gesture of my mom’s friend who donated some Quran on behalf of my mom’s name in Makkah/Madinah. So I set my intention to go for Hajj one day so I can read the donated Quran should I get the opportunity. I even dream of doing so. Little did I know that the opportunity came in 2022 without planning about it.
So, I believe that if you set the right intention and be very intentional about it. Doors will be opened for you and nothing will stop you from receiving His invitation. Allah swt will make sure that all the obstacles can be overcome . In His time, not ours.
The same goes for everything else in life which I am still learning to be at peace with myself and all the uncertainty in my life. However I am certain that when you get there , it will happen at the best time while we prepare ourselves towards it.
Met this art student who was drawing for a competition about her grandmother and brother. Her father have passed away so she drew her brother instead (not in this drawing) because her grandmother always talk about her son who passed away & was sad about it. Her brother looks similar to her father. So somehow she got curious to know more about her father through her grandmother story. Since I also went through similar experience, I shared with her my own grief journey & ask her to continue doing that as it will help her grandmother’s recovery.
Grief is grief. No matter who we lost in our life will always have an impact to those they left behind. But in every person they once touch their life, you will find a piece of the person in each one of them. No mother wants to lose a child before they go, neither do a child loses their parents. No one will ever be ready to face such loss. All we can do is do our best to be good towards our family and tell ourselves that we have done what we could when they were alive. As for those who lost their parents, as cliche as this sounds.
As Muslim we are encouraged to keep the silaturahim (relationship) between those our parents are good with whenever you have the chance. Eg visit their friends, siblings (uncle’s and aunties) & nieces and nephews. Because that will increase their jariah @ good deeds even though they have passed away. I know for a fact that many people say I look like my mother 藍
Anyway I wish this student the best in her life & chosen path. This is only her practice painting, and yet it is already so beautifully captured!
Meet Siti Nazilah @ Yaya , alumni USM PP Seni. Wpun lain bidang, kami grad sama2. Know know jadi Potter Master @ pakar buat pasu Terracotta. Dah ajar ramai orang sejak 2015 cara buat pasu. Sejak jadi Petani Millennial ni Kita jumpa ramai anak muda yg sambung warisan tempatan (Local Heritage) antaranya Yaya , yang masih buat Pasu walaupun tak ramai ceburkan diri dalam industri Seni.
Seni ni penting, sebab nanti siapa nak buat pasu tanam pokok hangpa nanti? 😂 Bidang Seni sebenarnya luas, bukan saja menyanyi & menari je. Masih banyak cabang Seni sebenarnya yang boleh Jana pendapatan sendiri
Untuk generasi muda macam kami pun dah guna Social Media untuk promote hasil kerja kami & perniagaan kami. Seiring dengan Zaman, kami pun perlu berubah , belajar buat video editing, buat Live , buat TikTok, guna app macam2 untuk promote di social media.
Walaupun ambil masa, kami banyak belajar sendiri & bertukar pendapat cara nak majukan business bersama. Yaya ni tak lokek kongsi ilmu, Kita belajar business dengan orang yang dah mahir. Walaupun susah tapi itulah cabarannya, di Universiti ajar Critical thinking tapi kehidupan sebenar kena belajar ‘Creative thinking’ sebab nak kembangkan business bukan senang.
Ramai kawan2 business bnyk di social media, dari FB ke Instagram ke TikTok. Semua tu sumber rezeki kami yang baru nak up sebab tak ada budget nak beli iklan di surat khabar. Surat khabar pun orang dah tak baca sangat & relevant as advertising channel. Social Media Marketing antara salah satu medium yang penting untuk Kita belajar sebab ramai orang business sanggup bayar Social Media Marketer & Content Creators.
Orang yang creative macam ni lah yang dibayar tinggi sebab mereka ada strategi untuk curate sesuatu produk. Jadi orang macam kami yang bergantung pada social media memang selalu dengan HP bukan sebab kami antisocial, tapi sebab kami perlu ‘private time’s untuk berfikir, reka dan design setiap post dalam media sosial kami.
Art is a business opportunity and essential tool to grow your business. Creativity pays ! The more you practice your skills the more experienced you become. As you grow your followers, you grow with your customers. Sebab mereka yang support dari awal mula business sampai dah maju. Tak semua kawan2 akan support Kita, tapi customer akan support kalau service Kita bagus & puas hati dengan kualiti hasil kerja Kita.
Bak kata USM, We Lead! 😉
Sedekah Ilmu’ ni luas dan dalam maknanya, sebab orang-orang sekeliling adalah ‘guru’ Kita.
I believe, we are made of the people who we meet and spend our time with. Sebab tu kawan yang baik ibarat minyak wangi, sekali tercalit semerbak harumnya. Tapi kalau sekali terpijak 💩, semerbak juga la 😂 Jadi, pilihlah kawan yang baik peribadi supaya Kita pun jadi baik juga. Networking cara silaturahim , ada Masa Kita call tanya khabar, mana tahu ada rezeki boleh tambah rezeki sama2. Sebab tu ajak Yaya buka booth kat sini supaya dia pun boleh kembangkan lagi business pasu & tambah networking.
Bagi Yaya, dia tak kejar sales macam sesetengah orang. Dia buat takat dia larat sebab dia kerja sorang diri. Angkat tanah liat berat-berat buat pasu, kalau xde intern, buka booth sorang2 pun boleh bila ada pameran. Jual kat shopee, jual kt event Kraftangan Malaysia, dah cukup untuk dia.
Bila tanya dia, kalau awak tak jumpa apprentice yang boleh ganti awak, siapa yang akan teruskan mengajar? Yaya cakap, kalau tak ada apprentice untuk dia wariskan Seni ilmu membuat pasu, pelanggan-pelanggan dia yang pernah dia latihlah akan meneruskan ilmu tersebut sebab ada yang berminat belajar buat di rumah sebagai hobi, ada intern yang dia latih akan teruskan sebagai kerjaya sendiri sudah cukup buat dia puas hati.
Jadi sedekah ilmu amat penting bagi kelestarian ilmu itu sendiri supaya tidak berhenti di situ. Belajar adalah tuntutan dalam agama Islam, ilmu adalah pengetahuan (knowledge). Setiap ilmu itu adalah jariah buat setiap yang berkongsi ilmu, sedekahkan ilmu yang dia belajar selama dia masih hidup dan apabila dia meninggal menjadi pahala buatnya. Ilmu apabila Kita belajar, perlu diamal, selepas itu diajarkan barulah tiba kefahaman tersebut.
Apabila diteruskan dan dimanfaatkan oleh penerima ilmu kemudian dikongsi dan dimanfaatkan oleh lebih ramai orang lagi menjadi jariah yang tidak putus-putus.
Sampaikan walaupun satu ayat sebenarnya lebih dalam maknanya jika Kita hayati sebab wahyu pertama diturunkan adalah ‘Iqra!’
Bacalah dengan Nama Tuhanmu ..
Untuk membaca, perlu belajar dulu. Dah belajar, baru tahu menulis. Untuk menulis, perlu ilmu juga, perlu kefahaman & kemahiran tentang sesuatu bidang. Jadi perlu belajar lagi, berlatih lagi, sambung belajar, ambil kursus sana-sini, sebelum Kita boleh mengajarkan ilmu yang kita perolehi kepada keluarga, kawan-kawan, jiran-jiran dan komuniti sekeliling
“Bacalah, dan Tuhanmu Yang Maha Pemurah,
Yang mengajar manusia melalui pena dan tulisan,
Ia mengajarkan manusia apa yang tidak diketahuinya.
Ingatlah! Sesungguhnya jenis manusia tetap melampaui batas (yang sepatutnya atau yang sewajibnya),
Dengan sebab ia melihat dirinya sudah cukup apa yang dihajatinya. (Once they think they are self-sufficient.)
(Ingatlah) sesungguhnya kepada Tuhanmu lah tempat kembali (untuk menerima balasan).”
Bila buat Telur KURANG Masin, tidak lari dari membuat kajian. Walaupun bukan dari Sains, tapi sebagai petani, ilmu Sains amat membantu kami faham setiap proses dalam kitaran Alam.
Contohnya telur ayam, telur itik rupanya kena check ada anak itik/ayam ke tak. Ada grade A, B sampai grade AAA. Ada telur kembar iaitu bila isi kuning ada dua dalam sebiji telur & saiz besar dari biasa.
Apa yang membuatkan telur tu sihat? Berkualiti? Segar? Bioindicator (petanda Alam) telur yang sihat, kuat dan selamat untuk dimakan semua tu ada cara untuk melihat dan muhasabah (reflect)
Ada orang ternak itik, telur dalam sepatutnya kuning, bila dimasak jadi Hijau dalamnya. Ada orang ternak ayam, telur kuning dengan putih mudah lerai di dalam, ada orang ternak ayam, telur ayam berkembar kuning di dalamnya. Bila belajar jadi petani, baru tahu yang semua tu dari pemakanan, cara penjagaan, dan pengurusan ladang/kebun. Belajar dari petani & penternak kebun orang lain. Belajar dari penjual pasar mana nak hantar proses ayam. Semua tu belajar dari bawah , dari komuniti di sekeliling kami.
Apa itu komuniti? Pertama, keluarga, kedua saudara mara, ketiga jiran-jiran, kemudian barulah masyarakat setempat.
Macam mana nak tahu itu adalah komuniti Kita? Bila Kita boleh berkongsi rezeki dengan bersedekah sesama Kita (bertukar-tukar fikiran, bertukar-tukar makanan, bertukar-tukar khidmat). Bila Kita boleh bergotong royong dan bekerjasama sebab matlamat yang sama. Bila Kita saling bertanya Khabar, berkomunikasi, itulah berkomuniti
Sedangkan ayam pun ada komuniti, itik ada komuniti, kambing ada ketuanya, setiap binatang dalam dunia ini ada komuniti sendiri termasuk Semut!
Sebagai contoh lebah kelulut ada komuniti, siapa ketua, siapa tentera, siapa yang akan jaga ‘anak lebah kelulut’, siapa yang kena keluar mencari pollent, nectar, untuk balik ke sarang membuat madu kelulut. Setiap bahagian dalam sarang lebah kelulut ada peranan sendiri tapi semua mempunyai matlamat yang sama, membina sarang kelulut agar kuat dan selamat dari serangan ‘penjajah’. Tengok je la apa akan jadi bila jolok sarang lebah , habis kena serang dengan ‘tenteranya’😆
Ada satu kisah ni cerita tentang seorang petani yang terkenal sebab tanamannya sangat cantik dan elok hasilnya. Petani tu siap tolong jaga tanaman jirannya walaupun itu bukan kawasannya. Bila orang Kampung tanya kenapa dia jaga kebun jirannya sedangkan itu bukan kawasannya. Dia jawab, bila tanaman jiran dia baik, tanamannya pun akan bebas dari penyakit berjangkit. Sebab, dia tahu yang jika tanaman dia elok, tanaman jiran lain tidak elok tetap akan bagi kesan pencemaran/penyakit kepada kebunnya. Alangkah indahnya budi pekerti petani seperti itu?
“Dan Dia lah yang menjadikan bumi terbentang luas, dan menjadikan padanya gunung-ganang (terdiri kukuh) serta sungai-sungai (yang mengalir). Dan dari tiap-tiap jenis buah-buahan, Ia jadikan padanya pasangan: dua-dua. Ia juga melindungi siang dengan malam silih berganti. Sesungguhnya semuanya itu mengandungi tanda-tanda kekuasaan Allah bagi kaum yang (mahu) berfikir.”
Seorang sahabat lama datang bersama temannya, menziarahi kami di kebun. Sahabatnya berkongsi tentang rezeki & silaturahim menambahkan usia & meluaskan rezeki.
Rezeki makan bersama, rezeki bertukar cerita, rezeki berkongsi ilmu, rezeki bertambah sahabat baru, rezeki penjual goreng pisang yang kami beli dari kedai, dan sebelum pulang menambat telur KURANG masin 😆
Ziarah menziarahi sesama manusia meluaskan rezeki. Menjaga silaturahim menambahkan rezeki. Apabila dua bertemu, bertambah rezeki kedua-duanya dan orang sekeliling
Dalam budaya orang Melayu, akan selalu bertanya Khabar. Apa Khabar? Nampak mudah, tapi bertanya Khabar, salah satu cara menjalinkan silaturahim Dan menjaga hubungan silaturahim sesama manusia.
Dalam maknanya bila Kita kaitkan dengan keadaan sekarang yang takut untuk menziarahi sesama keluarga, sesama saudara, malah sesama sahabat juga sudah menjauhkan diri kerana COVID-19.
Jaga SOP tetapi kembalilah bersilaturahim supaya semakin erat silaturahim sesama keluarga, sesama sahabat lama, dan sesama komuniti supaya boleh menambahkan rezeki kita.
Dengan izin Allah swt Kita bertemu, dengan izin Allah swt Kita berpisah tetapi pulang dengan rezeki yang berkat dan ilmu yang bermanfaat. Insyallah.
Mencari Sakiinah 