“What do you do?”

I think the kindest word is when a stranger whom i met only at an interview and met again when i quit my job is this…”Sakiinah, you have so much talent…and lots of potential, i am sure even though you choose to quit here, one day you will find the career that will make full use of your talent and be happy about”
For some reason he made me feel that its okay to quit something that does not make me happy (though there are some parts of it that im happy about )
eg, i get to know new friends, i get to meet some of my friends in kl often, and i get to try new food places with nice kuih or bihun to grrab every morning, or i get to be in the nature whenever i feel stressed & i get to learn how to be a project leader – something i only step up when i do my group assignments but never professionally, and get to learn about the working life, managing my finance, also being entrusted by a very challenging boss and yet learn so much from her in a short time
It seems like you are only respected when you have a job, and that being unemployed seemed like you are not doing anything useful. But talking to some of those who is going through the same thing, even though i dont have that 9-5 job where i can tell people where i work in. I would like to assure you, that you are no less than anyone else out there, and it is not because you are not good enough but the economy is not so good to hire qualified , talented, person like you. 
What i am doing right now is taking a few steps back to figure out what kind of job i can create for myself to make use of my experiences. To be content with what i already have, to be happy with things the way they are. 
Sure, i may not have a job, a house, a car and whatnot. But at least, im now debt free (eg no longer have ptptn to pay thanks to my previous job). At least i have some time to help my parents with some papers or workshops, taking photographs, and spend some time with the few friends i still have.
And meeting some of them is something i look forward to, the kind of friends who never judge me when i made certain choices in my life, those who assures me its okay to be different and be happy about it. 
So for those who havent found a job yet, create one, look inside you, think of what you can offer the world, become the person the child in you wish would be, and be that person. Success is a long road, celebrate the small success , and accomplishment you made for the years you worked on. 
A friend said to me, if you still have parents, you being there for them is a priviledged, because very few children gets to spend time with their aging parents. Being able to serve them is a priviledge. Rezeki bersama ibu bapa, is a luxury that very few can afford to spend time with.
And as for me, my ambition back then is to be so many job in a day. I wanted to be a police, doctor, nurse, teacher, all in one day not knowing that you only have 24 hour a day. 
So for those who is asking what is my job now? My answer today is, a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a friend to people around me. Also, a part time blogger , who writes ocassionally… 😉

Time

The best gift to give….is time

The best way to heal…is time.
To a sick person, being healthy is what one hope to return to

To a person who once have parents to spend time with, would trade anything to go back to

To a person who once had arms or legs to use, wish that they can walk freely and do things by themselves 
But…
To an old person, who can no longer run like they used to, but walk, when holding a spoon is too heavy for them, when chewing takes longer than to swallow, when they can no longer go to the bathroom without someone to help them, thats when you know, our time is almost up. 
Time is precious, and yet , we sometime take for granted. 
All those time lost , we can never go back to, but for those who still have time, cherish it.

For time goes by in a blink of our eyes, before we know it, our time is up.
As the saying goes, leave the world better than we arrive, and return to tell the Creator, you did everything you can with the life we borrow from Him. And be happy with the rizq and path meant for us, for whatever is meant to be, is meant to be. 
Maktub. It is written

One day at a time….

One of the good friend i met recently, are now off the social media. In the beginning, she just deactivates now and then, but recently she deleted completely her social media accounts as she feels rather stressed out seeing peoples life posted on social media seems to be doing well (despite their own career seems to me pretty secure and earning well)
These friends i know way before they become successfull, and seeing how far they have climbed their career ladder made me feel proud and happy for them. No discussion on work are allowed except that how they are feeling since the last time we met. 
Its been a rough year for my friend (and maybe others too behind the carefully selected photos they share on social media). And so she felt that for her own good, it is better to be disconnect with social media and reconnect with herself and live her life one day at a time without any pressure from the things she sees on social media. Smilingly, i told her that its okay to take things slow and focus in her own self nourishment because self care is important or else you would get caught in the illusion that everyone is happy all the time (when in reality its not always sunny all the time) 
I myself sometimes do feel like riding on a bullet train, until one day i had to pull the emergency break and take a look at myself and people around me. Slowly, im trying to be content and happy with the little i have rather than what i dont have. Because, whatever i already have, is already enough for me. Family esp is everything i have, time with them, and being able to play with my nieces and nephew those sometimes i get tired from playing , also the very few good friends i have whom no matter how far ahead they are in their career life, never forget to look back and pull me up together whenever i feel down. There was also people who had nothing much to give, but still gives, if not just a piece of cake, chocolate, or ….time – by phone, by eating together – their presence always makes me happy and look forward to the next time we meet (though some took years to finally have time to see each other again). And yet, these are people who understands that everyone have their own life, and we dont have to see each other everyday…but next time…the see you when i see you kind of friends.
As for that friend, she says, she finds it very exiciting to know new things and updates about each others life in person rather than looking at their latest instagram photos or facebook posts etc. Because back when she was very plugged into the internet, she already know what we did last week, or eat a few hours ago. By the time they meet, there was nothing to talk about or just ‘like’ each others posts.
As for me i can be both connected and disconnected, but when i meet people, i try as much to put the phone away and focus on the entire conversation (except if its my parents calling me😅). I love learning new things, hence why i share a lot of videos or posts when im online, whereas when im offline, i share my recent ‘adventure’ in living my one day at a time life since i chose to free myself from a soul-crushing job. Maybe one day i will create my own job with the little experiences i collected along the way. But for now, im just going to enjoy my own journey. Its only after going through such a hectic life, i learn to appreciate the slow and steady life which others might see as normal – mediocre life – but happier life as i now have time for myself and the people around me.
I genuinely appreciate the very few people i can honestly talk to, and comfortable of sharing my feelings and thoughts. Thank you for reminding me that i still have my people when things gets rough, and pull me back to the shore when i start drifting. Thanks for checking up on me, i feel blessed! Alhamdulillah~ ^^
You know who you are 😉
  

Perks of being a forrester

A month ago, i had the chance to work with an institute involve with conservation of the forest. The offer came in without me expecting and with a twist of fate, I receive a call to ask if i’d be interested to come for an interview. Story cut short, here i was with a friend of mine who happen to go for the same interview as i was not sure if i was qualified for the job, and should i not qualify, perhaps my friend would be a better candidate?

It was just two friends trying their luck for a job we don’t know much until we actually start working there. Then, we were house hunting , while at the same time trying to juggle between getting our job done and trying to understand our job scope.

 

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All of the sudden we were in the middle of forest collecting baby trees for conservation at their nursery. Mixing compost and soil , planting the trees we collected in the poly bags, labeling and making inventories.

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We also learnt how to wrap the plants so that we can preserve it later for pressing and drying plants. Trees have soul, so even if you want to take it out from its home, we must have good intention and tell the trees that we are taking it for the benefit of people and plants that will grow in other area.So when we pull out the roots, we must quickly wrap with tissue and spray some water to keep it hydrated , and place it carefully inside a plastic bag until we arrive back to our conservation site. Since the hike can take up to few hours or days so the knowledge on how to wrap your plants collection the right way is important for any forester who goes for plants collection.

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Later on we moved to another site where we get to see Rafflesia where it only blooms only once a year for 7 days! Now the Rafflesia is quite a picky flower (with no leafs), since its a parasitic flower, so it relies on the Tetrastigma veins as their host.

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Tetrastigma host vine

And they need both male and female flower nearby to pollinate with the help of the animals to somehow plant the seeds to make a new Rafflesia for next year. Due to its nature, the Rafflesia doesn’t like humans to disturb them, so you cannot touch the flower but just admire the beauty of it.

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Me with Rafflesia, its already dying after they bloom

 

But then again, after giving myself some time with the work and all, the forest belongs to those who suits this side of the world. As much as i enjoyed learning some of the things they do, but my capabilities are better off in another world that I am more suitable to live in. Still, it was a wonderful short adventure and I thank them for the experience gained!

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That 30 things in life kind of post ;)

1) Take the time to talk to people around you, you never know they might need it.
2) Be interested of what other people is interested about, you might learn one or two from them.
3) Listen to understand …not…to reply, pause before you assume
4) Remove our expectations or we will always feel dissapointed when things doesn’t go our way, but His way.
5) Each person we encounter is an opportunity to learn something about them and about ourselves
6) How we treat ourselves is how others will treat us, be kind to yourself
7) We teach people how to treat us, be selective with who gets to stay 
8) Walk away from negative people, surround yourself with positive people who sees the best in you. 
9) Life is too short to be bothered by what other people think of you, they don’t pay your bills.
10) Spend time with little humans, nature and things that makes you human again. Being lonely and spending time alone is two different. 
11) Inner peace doesn’t necessarily means meditation, sometimes its as simple as taking a deep breath and let go.
12) Let go of things that is keeping you from moving forward, hate, grudges, and all the negativity will not help you become a better person. 
13) Choose to forgive and forget what people did to you, make peace with your past
14) Sleep early …or try getting enough sleep. 
15) Quit or reduce the junk food. 
16) Be open to know people outside your own field or circle. There’s always room for new friends, who knows , they might be your next best friend! 😉
17) See the good in everyone and everything that happens to you, even the bad experience can teach you something
18) If everything gets cancelled, celebrate the free time to spend it to yourself. You deserve a break even if it means spending time alone.
19) Try new things or new experience once a while, teach yourself something you always wanted to try doing but never had courage or time to try it. Invest in your own personal development. 
20) You don’t have to figure everything out, every day is another chance to try something different or nothing at all. Focus on the 24 hour you already have. 
21) Appreciate the small things in life, it adds up to the big things in our life.
22) You don’t have to carry things on your own, some people might be more than happy to help, just ask. 
23) Help when you can, but know when to stop and set your priorities 
24) Sometimes, not helping is helping people to figure things out on their own. You can’t save everyone. 
25) You didn’t fail, you just figure out 1000 reasons why it didn’t work out. Keep trying until you get it right this time. 
26) Go out of your comfort zone, its scary at first, but you’ll figure out.
27) Acknowledge and remember all the things you have been through, self acceptance and self awareness is also an achievements. 
28) Whatever you seek is seeking you too, be true to yourself. Good things will come to you.
29) Faith is the easiest and yet the hardest thing to do. Have faith and tawakkal over everything you do is His plans in making a better you. 
30) Every single things that happens in our life has been written by the one who created you. Rizq comes in many form, a good family, wonderful friends, a healthy body (even if you get sick is an opportunity to remember Him more). So, be thankful that you are still alive to do something about it.
****
31) Keep on learning…..hehe

30!

Turning 30 was easier than i expected (although i was rather anxious the day before. Haha) but waking up like its just another day, dont make me feel any different about it. I kinda like my age right now, the number is ‘even’ now haha! 
Just a little tip, whenever you turn older, go meet someone older than you and ask them about their experience in life haha! For some reason, i felt a bit calmer when i hear about other peoples experience in achieving their life, the choices they make, the things they do, and how they started their career and reach where they are now, makes you feel like we have more to look forward to than the things that is holding us back in the past. Hehe thanks you know who you are 😉
My life has been a long detours and rollercoaster ride, thanks to all my ups and downs, pauses and stops ive had to face for the past 30 years, that brought me to where i am. Who i am today were because of the past experience i go through, our experiences and mistakes in life is preparing us to be who we are today. And at least, other than a lesson learned, some made into a good story i sometimes share with selected few and had a good laugh of the things that happened in the past. My life have become more interesting thanks to it!
Alhamdulillah for the past 30 years, and insyAllah to the years to come. May Allah swt continue to give us more time to learn and become a better person everyday and contribute back to people around us for as long as Allah swt have written for us. Thank you again for the wishes and prayers, may Allah swt grant your prayers and reward you with what is best for you too! 
And alhamdulillah to everyone who came into my life, whether or not they stay or not, thank you for being part of the chapters in my life. It has been a wonderful journey and i look forward for whatever lesson and experience that has been written for me! To reach 30 years old is also rezeki. Okayyyy….😉

  

Regrets

A friend of mine said
“I waste so much things on the little things, good friends that could have make a difference in my life , and being too caught up with what other people would think of me instead of what I want to do in life…but despite all, all the mistakes I have done, I don’t want to regret any of it and accept it as they are because it wouldn’t have made me into the person I am today”
this sums up everything I don’t regret !
I really do wish that I would have done more to save certain relationship (not necessarily love) , but friends whom i unfriended because of our differences, or remove from my life due to personal reasons etc.
But then again, if i didn’t do that, i would not realize all the people who really cared about me and loved me for who i am. Some, came back to make up for the mistakes they have done towards me, only for me to realize that i miss them as a friend more than i used to hate them back then.
Some I initiated to make it up to them(im not a perfect either!) due to certain issues we had back then , some despite driving them mad every now and then..slowly grow our friendship to the ‘mature friendship’ , while some friends that I never expect would turn into very good friends , whom i would pass by without making any effort to get to know more, cross path with mine again and turn out to be wonderful friends.
And its also funny that some, we hated each other for who we thought we were until we somehow we were thrown in the same boat (metaphorically) and had to depend on each other to keep our boats going until we reach our destination.
So, it taught me that sometimes, all we need to do is give that person a chance by getting to know them a little bit better and then decide whether or not this is the kind of friends or people we want to continue to be friends with because its really important to choose who we surround ourselves with.
Because sometimes, we will also attract negative friends and we need to be very careful not to mistake friendship with ‘friends with benefits’. So when we remove the negative people around us, we can then make room for positive people to come into our life. But, sometimes the negative people is good for us too, because you learn how to deal with difficult people and you learn how to be a better communicator or PR for instant.
But, what i learn most of all is that, if we can’t find a good friend, be one! Because eventually, we will attract the right kind of friends, and as we grow, we don’t really need a lot of friends, only those whom we can count on, those we know would be there for us, and those whom we don’t really have to contact with all the time, but when we do, we could just pick it up where we left off…and just be ourselves.
So yeah, regrets only comes when we tend to think of the things we could have done better, or people who is no longer in our life that is not meant to stay, and stuffs that we wish we could have but maybe, just maybe we are better off without the things we want, but appreciates whatever we already have , is what we need.
I remember watching a video on a story about a poor man who was very happy to dip his biscuit in a river and shout “Alhamdulillah for this!”, as the King pass by he was amazed how happy he was to have only a biscuit and dipping it in the river before eating it with such gratitude. And so the King asked what is the secret behind his happiness.
So the poor man said, “My King, would you give half of your Kingdom if you were thirsty but that is the price you have to pay when there is nothing in the world except half of your Kingdom to pay for a glass of water?”
The King replied “I would have given all of my Kingdom if I have to!”
And the poor man replies “So why should I not be grateful for the One who provides me this biscuits is the King of the Kings? Allah swt who owns all the wealth in this world?”
Then there was another story of how this person in Rasulullah SAW time, who came up to the Prophet SAW to ask him to make dua for him to be rich! Reluctantly beloved Prophet SAW replied
“The little you have, if you are thankful, is better than the abundance you have but you cannot carry it”
For three times, the Prophet SAW replied the same thing when the person insists that he makes dua for him. Finally, the Prophet SAW gave in, and made dua for that person to be rich. And so that person’s wealth multiplied, his sheeps doubled and tripled to a point where he have to take out Zakat from the excess wealth he have to be distributed for those in need. Zakat is an obligatory to give out for muslims who have excess wealth and income according to Islam teachings. But this person refused to give out to a point he makes excuses not to pay zakat and find ways to avoid from giving out his wealth.
Finally, Prophet SAW stops asking him to pay zakat due to an ayat from Allah swt about this person.
And this person wealth continues to multiply to a point he cannot manage it anymore and he wanted to give it away as zakat. By then, he was missing his prayers and all the things a practicing muslim should do because he was too busy with his business. Since that Allah swt warns the Prophet SAW not to accept any zakat from this person in the future, this person never get to give his zakat and his sheeps and other livestock continues to multiply that he have no space to keep it to himself. Even until the Caliphate times up till Caliph Uthman bin Affan time, this person died without being able to give out zakat. Only Allah swt knows what is his fate in the afterlife.
So coming back to what Prophet SAW said,
“The little you have, if you are thankful, is better than the abundance you have but you cannot carry it”
Try not to see what others have as something that you envy not having, because every one of us are made for different purpose and given rizq in many forms and ways. To have good friends we can count on…while others are alone when they needed one…is rizq, to have parents who is still alive while others wish they still have one of them…..is rizq, to have a home while others may not even have a roof…is rizq, to live in peace while others risk their life trying to live another day ….is rizq., to be able to breathe..while others rely on oxygen tank… is rizq, to be able to eat, chew, and enjoy our food while others may not even know if this is their last meal…is rizq, to have a good working body and healthy while others might be hospitalized….is also a blessing …but most of all..the greatest gift we all have…is to be alive…and still be given a chance to do something about our life…is rizq from the Most Generous and The Giver, the King of the Kings!
“So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?” (Ar Rahman, 55:33)