Mimpi Maktok

Nukilan Abg Ngah


Maktok dengan bunga.
Bunga Orkid favorite Maktok

Lebih kurang 10 hari sebelum pemergian Um. Maktok ada bermimpi tentang Um.

Pada mulanya Maktok hanya bgtau Maktok ok, Maktok tenang, Maktok mimpi Um pengakhiran yg baik.

Setelah pemergian Um baru lah Maktok cerita kan lebih lanjut tentang mimpinya.

Maktok berada di kawasan yg lapang dan tanah yang gersang.
Maktok nampak sekuntum bunga yg sangat cantik.
Bila dipetik bunga tersebut dengan serta merta tumbuh banyak bunga di kawasan itu sehingga penuh.

Maktok merasakan perasan yg tenang sekali. Kami pada mulanya risau kan maktok takut terkejut. Tetapi Allah Maha Mengasihi.
Syukur ya Allah.

Semoga kita semua dpt Khusnul Khotimah.


Sambil tunggu kawan datang dalam hati terdetik:

“Laparnya… Alangkah sedapnya kalau dapat makan nasi kejap lagi”

“Dik! Mai makan nasi tepi masjid ni ada org sedekah! ”

Subhanallah! Lajunya doa, rezeki sampai depan mata.

Alhamdulillah untuk rezeki hari ini


Jangan pernah berhenti berdoa, cepat atau lambat, akan tiba pada masa yang tepat dan terbaik untuk kita. InsyAllah.


“Kahwin itu rezeki, tak kahwin pun rezeki.Jodoh di akhirat, jika jumpa di dunia adalah bonus dan perlu dijaga agar sampai ke syurga bukan sebaliknya” – M. E, 2019

Rezeki jaga mak bapa bila tua buat kita bersyukur ada masa untuk mereka. Tak, saya tak sedih, sebaliknya gembira dengan peluang yg diberi.

Bila ‘reflect’ semula pilihan hidup kita, menolak tawaran kerja di bandar, memilih untuk kerja dgn mak bapa @ jadi PA mereka. Susunan Allah swt cukup cantik sekali.
Buat mereka yg seangkatan, hargailah rezeki yg diberi. Dalam ramai2, kita terpilih, tentu ada sebabnya.
Belajarlah ikhlaskan hati, pecahkan ego, dan terus berkhidmat kerana Dia.

Menjaga Um sangat mudah, bila kita mudahkan ibu bapa kita, Allah swt akan permudahkan hidup kita. Sebab tu, saya tak pernah rasa susah, penat wpun ambil masa untuk siapkan Um sepanjang menjaganya.

Pengalaman menjaga di hospital saya anggap pengalaman baru, dan belajar kemahiran baru, nurse bnyk membantu ajar teknik tertentu untuk memudahkan saya menyiapkan Ibu saya.

Apabila Um dimasukkan ke ICU selepas 3 minggu di wad biasa, saya anggap Allah swt hendak beri kami sekeluarga masa utk berehat sebab kami cuma boleh melawat masa waktu lawatan.

Sekali lagi, aturan Allah swt adalah yg terbaik, Dia beri masa untuk kita rehat wpun bermakna kami perlu simpan rasa rindu setiap hari.
Bak kata Abi, kami terharu dan insaf, dengan kebesaranNya. Hanya mampu mengucapkan Alhamdulillah untuk setiap yg berlaku. InsyAllah, Allah swt jaga wpun kami tidak dapat berjumpa lama.

Good vibes

There’s a patient next to Um who had bowel operation. An old chinese lady would stand by him and smile happily to us. Her presence always makes me calm and happy as we both go through the same journey.

One thing I notice about being at ICU, we do not have a form of support group so that families don’t feel alone and often felt helpless.

Therefore, whenever I see a family member seem like breaking down, I will smile happily just like the old lady, give a little hug if its okay for her, and just talk so that they feel better.

Smiling changes everything, by bringing positive vibes we attract good vibes. This is important not just for the patient but for the family and friends who come to visit so that we do not treat sickness as something permanent.

Pain is temporary, as Allah promise, for every difficulty there is a way out. Sadness is from Allah swt as much as Happiness. Therefore we must embrace all feelings and acknowledge that we are afterall human being.

As long as it is followed by the remembrance of Allah swt, even pain can taste bittersweet.

Hope is a powerful feeling only those who understand that everything is within Allah swt permission, God willing, dengan izin Allah swt even the impossible is possible with the help of Allah swt.. The Healer, The Giver, and The Nurturer.

InsyAllah, even a single bacteria in our body is Allah swt creation.
So, do not despair for Allah swt loves those who asks. Keep asking, and praying for my mom’s recovery and also for our own recovery.

May Allah swt accept the doa of those who has been praying for my mom all this while and multiply the reward for each one of you. Amin

Takut (Al-Khauf) dan Penuh Harap ( Ar-Raja’)

Abi shared about not giving up on Allah’s hope even if it seemed impossible to see the outcome.

Tawakkal is having full trust and believe that Allah swt is powerful over everything and that we must never give up on the blessings (rahmat) of Allah swt. Even in darkness we must continue to have faith in His plan and timings .

Even in darkness we must continue to have faith in His plan and timings. And take every chances and time we have by being there for each other

Alhamdulillah, even though it has been more than a month our beloved Um was hospitalized and have passed 2 weeks in ICU. We will strive to remain hopeful of Allah’s mercy and love towards Um and our family.

Although there were times we felt broken and shaking, fearing of the unknown and yet hoping for the best. We will continue to believe that Allah swt hears our please and endless doa from those who prays for Um together with us.

We are deeply touched by everyone who came, text, support and help in ways we never expect.

We are happy to know one of Um’s last Phd student passed his viva last week and made solat hajat for her well being. He came and visit both before and after his viva, praying for Um’s well being. Its through him we found out Allah swt have made it easy for him through Um’s effort getting him to do his viva before she was hospitalized. Um have transferred all her students to another supervisor as she retires. And that have made it easy for them to continue their study under a better supervisor she trusts.

Old friends and relatives came to visit endlessly for the past week, even some recovered from Cancer, ICU previously shared their experience that helped to strengthen us. We are not always strong but Allah swt sent each one of us to make each other strong. Alhamdulillah.

We believe Allah swt will also hears us and everyone she touches in her life and we ask all of you the same towards Um’s journey. All of us is afterall in a journey back to Allah swt but how we respond to each steps we take in the journey will make a difference as long as we fear Allah swt but not make us doubt and lose hope on Allah swt, The Most Merciful, The Listener, The Most Loving, and The One and Only.

Indeed this journey is not Um alone but us all in this together.

“So which of the favor of Your Lord do you deny?”

Bismillah, 2019

I learnt to walk at my own pace,  that its okay if I don’t own a car,  grab kan ade 😆

It’s okay,  if I don’t have my own house,  I still have my own room, a home and family to come back to.

Its okay if I may not 100% financially independent yet but at least I’m debt free.

Sometime we are too busy looking at other peoples progress in life,  but we forget to look back at our own progress.

A friend reminded me that although I may not think that I am successful but to my friends – I am living their dream job. Although I may not notice this,  she said I have been taking small steps that led me to where I am now.  That in itself is an accomplishment – which was very personal to me,  as I struggle to be content with the detours and whatever comes my way.  Being happy is a choice I make everyday and try to see things positively.

Sometimes things don’t go our way because God wants us to take us to a different path,  laid only for us,  we alone can go through that journey. Sometimes,  its also to protect us from harm that we may come across if we take the wrong path. Sometimes,  its the only way to grow because there are lessons that we need to learn and master first before becoming an expert at our chosen path.

Everyone was born for a particular purpose , we don’t really have to think too much on our purpose and keep the rest of our worries for Him. Whatever happens,  it have been written for us even before we were born.  All we have to do is continue living the best we can and live our life one day at a time.

So use wisely the 24 hours we have each day for it may also be the last day on earth.  Jodoh,  Ajal,  Maut semua ditangan Allah swt.  So it is best to treat each day as the first and last day on earth. Only then,  all the trivials,  egoism and whatever unnecessary drama can be removed from us.

Start focusing on our own self growth , care for our own health and as muslim,  we are the Caliph… So take care of ourselves,  family,  and environment. Everyone is a steward of the earth, we may not change the world but if each one of us can make small changes in how they care for their environment,  will make a big impact to the world around them.

The only competition is ourselves… But don’t beat ourselves up just because we are not there yet,  take a break and look how far you’ve gone. Small steps adds up to the bigger things in life …one day we will arrive to where we were meant to be but until we stop trying to force thing to go faster,  learn to slow down and Master our unsettling heart with patience by accepting our shortcomings. There is no shortcut in success, no baby can instantly run after being born,  we need to learn how to fall to learn how to get up again,  and success is a quiet path…

Like a seed that grows root before it becomes a tree.  Bagaikan buah kelapa,  campak ke laut menjadi Pulau. Seribu guna dan manfaatnya 😆

Happy New Year everyone,

May we continue to become better than last year,  may our prayers accepted and our life protected from any harm…also our health and suffice us with His rizq and mercy over us when we make mistakes.  May Allah swt lead us back to His path should we forget Him and remind us in the softest way possible that is not too hard for us.  May Allah swt ease our journey and strengthen our heart in whatever challenges written for us.

God bless.