My grandmother is a loyal supporter of umno. She’s in her late 70s by now maybe 80 plus I lost count how old is she. Her only source of news was the mainstream media (then), she doesn’t go on social media, her time is only for praying, Quran, Surau and TV, if not watching her garden everyday.

Her memories of umno was when people fight for independence, when leaders step up to lead because someone had to. When people actually do their job and not fight for money etc. A true blue BN-Umno.

Even when Reformasi happened, she strongly have faith in the ruling party then. Even some of her children did not, and endlessly insist we should oppose too. We stood by her, even if we were the only one still supporting the ruling party then.

One day, my grandmother asked me, is it true what people say about Tun M ? Is he getting senile? Is he crazy to want to change the government?

I knew then that those are the words only a mainstream media would plant in the viewers mind, she could not have picked up anywhere else because she’s mostly at home.

I gave a sigh, and answer, I don’t know Tok, I don’t know. In her eyes, I saw tears and worries, I don’t know Tok, I really don’t know – back then.

Even when the election day came, I worry more for her because she is very old and may not be able to handle the harsh truth. When I called after the sworn in, I try to keep our conversation light, until she herself answers

“Maktok tidur awal, takut darah naik”

(I slept early, worried if my blood pressure rise)

Im sorry Mak Tok, you live to see this, I just hope you are as healthy as our Prime Minister.
And that Malaysia is in good hands even if its painful for you to accept the changes (truth).

As time changes, so did we. Only after Tun M steps up and walked out of the party as the ruling party then, refuse to change. I start to read more of the other side of the story, think through and made my decision.

I never felt the need to vote until now, as much as I wish there would be changes from within. I wasn’t even sure if I made the right decision but I have faith that, if God wills it, nothing that people do can stop the changes from happening. And so kun fa ya kun, it happens.

With or without my vote, change will happen because the majority of voters that came out were more than what expected. And change must happen not just the government but among ourselves, instead of relying on the government – yet again to change.

We grew up with umno and also… today’s government, but all of us remain one – Malaysian.

Whoever we support, let this not stop us from being good towards one another. And, please stop bickering about the things people do in the past. Just because that person is powerless, doesn’t mean we should freely harass and throw mean words at them and anyone related to them.

We are all flawed in so many ways, lets just move on and try to get along with each other. We are after all, a very small country, and if we are going to stay long, we must learn to get along. At the end of the day, we are all coming back to the same home, Malaysia.





Merdeka 2.0!

If you asked me years ago,  I would not have voted or aware how important it was to vote.  But for the first time,  I felt the need to vote for my country and be part of the change we want to see.

Some of my friends in Indonesia and other Malaysian friends  living abroad was following the news closely.  Keeping in touch to make sure we are safe , instead I reassure them that with such a strong led coalition like Harapan,  there is still hope that a peaceful change can be made.

For some reason,  some of the news I was following online was not able to connect online , the mainstream media was delaying so much with commentaries and my concern friends from neighboring country was helpful enough to update me with the current SPR result.

Even voting itself feels like going to an examination and waiting for the results on the same day felt like the longest night.

Finally when the once Prime Minister of Malaysia appeared in his black songkok and baju melayu,  with sampin being sworned in,  everyone felt relief.

15 years later,  I get to watch this historic event and be part of it.  It does feels a bit like Merdeka eh?

For friends outside Malaysia who is still absorbing the news,  we also didn’t know we could do this and how everyone could come together for one common thing, our love towards our country,  Malaysia

All I can say,  we voted for a better Malaysia regardless our differences, we have each other to make the changes.

Meanwhile,  this means, you are never too old to dream a new dream, even becoming PM again. Lol!

Its definitely the, M factor… M…for Malaysia. Thank you Malaysian for making your choice, whoever you voted for,  I hope we choose the best among our leaders in restoring the country to a better state than it was.

To those who lost their vote,  I hope that you will still do good for the community around us… With or without power,  we all have the power to choose to do what is good for the benefit of the people we live with and not just ourselves. A true leader is, when they are not in power,  they can still lead people to goodness and bring benefit to others with whatever they are able to contribute. May this does not stop us from being a better person and continue to grow in the future.

May God protect our country and bless us with better leaders and unite us against all odds.   🇲🇾 ♥


Bukit TI

Since quitting my job, I have been spending most of my time at Bukit TI , a small hill infront of School of Industrial Technology in University Sains Malaysia. What started as volunteer basis, turn out to be a pretty cool job to work with.

Initially, the works there started of as my dad’s research project on composting and expanded to Vermicomposting. Then, they run out of space to use their compost and look for space to grow their plants – so his Graduate Intern’s then Hamzah and Syahidah found an empty space just above their school rooftop. So after getting the permission from the Dean, the Rooftop Wild Garden was born.

Since 2014, the rooftop grew into a space full of over 100 herbs and plants , some aquaphonic system and vertical farming using recycleable items. Somehow they cross path with Dr Zulkifli Mustafa , who was doing research on the Stingless Beee @ Kelulut by rearing the Kelulut bees. He trains farmers and the public to rear using sustainable bee farming via his Mustafa Hive design. That pretty much match what we are doing right now, which is making compost to grow plants that can build an ecosystem for the Kelulut Bees to make their hive. So the Kelulut hive was installed and encourage the pollination of the plants on our Rooftop Wild Garden as they get enough food source from the plants we grow.

At the same time, we also experimented on rearing Black Soldier Fly Larva and Dubia for animal feed. Other than that, we also grow Azolla – an aquatic water plants that can be grown easily and use as animal feed that is rich with protein and healthier options as it is a plant based.

So again, bigger space needed and so ECOPRO@USM team as the research group is known as proposed for the small hill in front of School of Industrial Technology to grow a Green technology Garden where it can be turn into a Community Garden for the campus community and public to come and learn about all the things we learnt and applied since we started the research project.

Later on, we started to introduce the project for the students about what we do at Bukit TI and some students started messaging on how they can be part of the community garden we are working on. After all, we are not just growing plans but applying an Ecosystem Design Restoration via Permaculture method we learnt in a Permaculture Design Course earlier. So we decided to open it for Volunteers to help us at Bukit TI and trained them every week on how they can grow the plants and restore the ecosystem at Bukit TI.

I was really surprised and amazed by their passion in volunteering and learning from us, though only a small bunch of students who came but they were very excited to spend their time despite their busy schedule at Bukit TI. Some even helped out when we were away for research visit and look after the garden.

What started as just a research project, turns out to become a community project that became an important step for the environment. We don’t talk about climate change now, we became the change we want to see in this world.

So if any of you wants to know more about what we do, visit our FB page and we will share with you   :

K2K: Kompos To Kelulut



Living with your parents

A conversation with an old friend who quit their job & came back from abroad to be with their children. unfortunately, my friend couldn’t get a job as the gov is freezing jobs in the field of her expertise.
Now my friend lives with her parents (And thats okay) while her husband go to work
A few other siblings also move back in, some was retrenched & move back to Malaysia (though manage to get a job while the other stays at home to look after their children & online business)
Some quit their job and looking for other job that fits his soul more. He can design an oil rig & develop an app where you can buy & locate the nearest shop locally & internationally on the item you are looking for which was shortlisted in a competition but only manage to get to the finals..also moves back with their parents
although my friend is stay at home mom right now, she’s happy to be able to take care of her children because back when she worked abroad and her husband in Malaysia, her children don’t recognize her as they don’t get to meet often during her early years of growing up. (and i think its the right choice to be with her family though it means she have to sacrifice her job for her family)
she says, only now..money is tight. but that’s okay. she says, a lot of her friends she know is also living with their parents and seeing the trend, her parents predicts that more children will move back in or stay with their parents.
I can’t write too detail but the point of the conversation was that
1) even if you have a great degree it doesn’t promise you to get a job – or stay in one – you might get retrenched, you might have to quit your job. getting a degree doesn’t mean we will be getting a job, or we will be stuck as ‘job seeker’ mindset than ‘job creator’ . its what you do with the knowledge & experience that counts. the job market is changing as the economy goes down. our resilience as my mom said, and ability to create our own job will help us get through the hard times.
2) its okay to live with your parents, as long as you help to contribute in the family. even if you are married with kids, there’s nothing to be ashamed of as people in the days used to live with their parents or close to one another. its also how a community built upon because when you are in the same house, you will look after one another and take care of each other. aging parents especially need more attention so grandchildren also helps to bring families closer as they bring the laughter and joy in the house.
although development is good for the economy, its also bad for family as children who is now adult, move out from the house with no one to look after their kids. strangers taking care of their kids – with this whole child abuse in nursery- and other social problems.
so when the economic bubble starts to burst and economy collapsing, so will families if they do not get support from their own family. hence why, we see some children moving back with their parents – which in a way is good for the community to be rebuilt again.
people will either be forced to or voluntarily look after one another and work out their differences.
this reminds me of a conversation i had when i was in capetown last year,
“when we leave our heritage & culture, things becomes expensive. but when we continue our heritage & relive the culture, it becomes less”
meaning that, if we continue to leave our heritage & culture – we lead an individualistic life – – you have to rely on your own to feed your own mouth. – you need to hire a babysitter to look after your kids – and soon enough you have to work 2-3 jobs to feed your family but don’t have time for your own family.
but if we bring back the culture of taking care of one another – and think of how we can help one another and feed our family & community around us. our culture taught us about taking care of one another, within our own community. When we have to go somewhere far, we ask our relatives to look after our kids – even if we are at home & your kids loitering around somewhere they shouldn’t – they will alert you and look out for your kids. When we have more – we give to our neighbors (which used to be our relatives as well), when we need certain plants, we ask our neighbors if we could have some of theirs & in return we give them some of the food we cook that day to thank them. Or when the car breaks down, or the toilet pump broke – we call our friends who knows how to fix it rather than the shop.
maybe, just maybe our burden becomes less – with shared resources – a helping hand & eventually become a better person towards our family, friends and the community we live in. the most expensive currency nowadays is not money – but built on trust . and this cannot be done without having faith & believing in one another. it takes it takes a good heart & sincere intention of those who believes the same thing – making the world a better place to live in as a family.
because at the end of the day, we are all living on the same earth…
(…..and Mars will takes years or never – before we can still be alive to move there)
*so look around and see who else we can help, stop looking only ourselves rather look for those around us who might need our help but too shy to ask for one.


Turning 30 was easier than i expected (although i was rather anxious the day before. Haha) but waking up like its just another day, dont make me feel any different about it. I kinda like my age right now, the number is ‘even’ now haha! 
Just a little tip, whenever you turn older, go meet someone older than you and ask them about their experience in life haha! For some reason, i felt a bit calmer when i hear about other peoples experience in achieving their life, the choices they make, the things they do, and how they started their career and reach where they are now, makes you feel like we have more to look forward to than the things that is holding us back in the past. Hehe thanks you know who you are 😉
My life has been a long detours and rollercoaster ride, thanks to all my ups and downs, pauses and stops ive had to face for the past 30 years, that brought me to where i am. Who i am today were because of the past experience i go through, our experiences and mistakes in life is preparing us to be who we are today. And at least, other than a lesson learned, some made into a good story i sometimes share with selected few and had a good laugh of the things that happened in the past. My life have become more interesting thanks to it!
Alhamdulillah for the past 30 years, and insyAllah to the years to come. May Allah swt continue to give us more time to learn and become a better person everyday and contribute back to people around us for as long as Allah swt have written for us. Thank you again for the wishes and prayers, may Allah swt grant your prayers and reward you with what is best for you too! 
And alhamdulillah to everyone who came into my life, whether or not they stay or not, thank you for being part of the chapters in my life. It has been a wonderful journey and i look forward for whatever lesson and experience that has been written for me! To reach 30 years old is also rezeki. Okayyyy….😉



A friend of mine said
“I waste so much things on the little things, good friends that could have make a difference in my life , and being too caught up with what other people would think of me instead of what I want to do in life…but despite all, all the mistakes I have done, I don’t want to regret any of it and accept it as they are because it wouldn’t have made me into the person I am today”
this sums up everything I don’t regret !
I really do wish that I would have done more to save certain relationship (not necessarily love) , but friends whom i unfriended because of our differences, or remove from my life due to personal reasons etc.
But then again, if i didn’t do that, i would not realize all the people who really cared about me and loved me for who i am. Some, came back to make up for the mistakes they have done towards me, only for me to realize that i miss them as a friend more than i used to hate them back then.
Some I initiated to make it up to them(im not a perfect either!) due to certain issues we had back then , some despite driving them mad every now and then..slowly grow our friendship to the ‘mature friendship’ , while some friends that I never expect would turn into very good friends , whom i would pass by without making any effort to get to know more, cross path with mine again and turn out to be wonderful friends.
And its also funny that some, we hated each other for who we thought we were until we somehow we were thrown in the same boat (metaphorically) and had to depend on each other to keep our boats going until we reach our destination.
So, it taught me that sometimes, all we need to do is give that person a chance by getting to know them a little bit better and then decide whether or not this is the kind of friends or people we want to continue to be friends with because its really important to choose who we surround ourselves with.
Because sometimes, we will also attract negative friends and we need to be very careful not to mistake friendship with ‘friends with benefits’. So when we remove the negative people around us, we can then make room for positive people to come into our life. But, sometimes the negative people is good for us too, because you learn how to deal with difficult people and you learn how to be a better communicator or PR for instant.
But, what i learn most of all is that, if we can’t find a good friend, be one! Because eventually, we will attract the right kind of friends, and as we grow, we don’t really need a lot of friends, only those whom we can count on, those we know would be there for us, and those whom we don’t really have to contact with all the time, but when we do, we could just pick it up where we left off…and just be ourselves.
So yeah, regrets only comes when we tend to think of the things we could have done better, or people who is no longer in our life that is not meant to stay, and stuffs that we wish we could have but maybe, just maybe we are better off without the things we want, but appreciates whatever we already have , is what we need.
I remember watching a video on a story about a poor man who was very happy to dip his biscuit in a river and shout “Alhamdulillah for this!”, as the King pass by he was amazed how happy he was to have only a biscuit and dipping it in the river before eating it with such gratitude. And so the King asked what is the secret behind his happiness.
So the poor man said, “My King, would you give half of your Kingdom if you were thirsty but that is the price you have to pay when there is nothing in the world except half of your Kingdom to pay for a glass of water?”
The King replied “I would have given all of my Kingdom if I have to!”
And the poor man replies “So why should I not be grateful for the One who provides me this biscuits is the King of the Kings? Allah swt who owns all the wealth in this world?”
Then there was another story of how this person in Rasulullah SAW time, who came up to the Prophet SAW to ask him to make dua for him to be rich! Reluctantly beloved Prophet SAW replied
“The little you have, if you are thankful, is better than the abundance you have but you cannot carry it”
For three times, the Prophet SAW replied the same thing when the person insists that he makes dua for him. Finally, the Prophet SAW gave in, and made dua for that person to be rich. And so that person’s wealth multiplied, his sheeps doubled and tripled to a point where he have to take out Zakat from the excess wealth he have to be distributed for those in need. Zakat is an obligatory to give out for muslims who have excess wealth and income according to Islam teachings. But this person refused to give out to a point he makes excuses not to pay zakat and find ways to avoid from giving out his wealth.
Finally, Prophet SAW stops asking him to pay zakat due to an ayat from Allah swt about this person.
And this person wealth continues to multiply to a point he cannot manage it anymore and he wanted to give it away as zakat. By then, he was missing his prayers and all the things a practicing muslim should do because he was too busy with his business. Since that Allah swt warns the Prophet SAW not to accept any zakat from this person in the future, this person never get to give his zakat and his sheeps and other livestock continues to multiply that he have no space to keep it to himself. Even until the Caliphate times up till Caliph Uthman bin Affan time, this person died without being able to give out zakat. Only Allah swt knows what is his fate in the afterlife.
So coming back to what Prophet SAW said,
“The little you have, if you are thankful, is better than the abundance you have but you cannot carry it”
Try not to see what others have as something that you envy not having, because every one of us are made for different purpose and given rizq in many forms and ways. To have good friends we can count on…while others are alone when they needed one…is rizq, to have parents who is still alive while others wish they still have one of them…..is rizq, to have a home while others may not even have a roof…is rizq, to live in peace while others risk their life trying to live another day ….is rizq., to be able to breathe..while others rely on oxygen tank… is rizq, to be able to eat, chew, and enjoy our food while others may not even know if this is their last meal…is rizq, to have a good working body and healthy while others might be hospitalized….is also a blessing …but most of all..the greatest gift we all have…is to be alive…and still be given a chance to do something about our life…is rizq from the Most Generous and The Giver, the King of the Kings!
“So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?” (Ar Rahman, 55:33)

Calling someone thin is as offensive as calling people fat

For someone who is thin, I find it rather offensive sometimes when people point out how thin I am. Its not like I was hurt by it, but I feel uncomfortable when people keep saying how thin I am as if there’s something wrong with me.

I am perfectly happy with my body, and have no problem with it. I am happy that I dont have to worry about gaining weight, though i do try to eat healthily.

I am not on diet, I dont have anorexia, I am just thin. That’s all. Everyone were born with their own size & body shape, but so can we just stop stereotyping on each other?
Just because no one is saying anything about it doesn’t mean its okay to say that to a person who is not your kind of ‘normal’. What’s normal to you may not be normal to others. And ‘normalizing’ this isn’t going to stop people from saying stuffs at you, so speak up and tell people that its not okay.