Debt or indebt? (Part 1)

Last week, we organize a talk on ‘graduation: the reality, debt or indebt?”

We manage to put together a few speaker, two representative from the students, both of them have a working experience during their diploma days, before continuing their degree.Another, came from the academia, a lecturer who sold ‘Bihun Sup’ (Noodle soup) during his final year, selling at four different night market nearby his university.One came from the corporate world, working as a Communication Specialist, she paid her own study fee and manage to work in a company who would pay for her to continue her MBA.Another is an electrical engineer, who at the same time sells gold bar in spite of having a stable job.

Each one of them have their own story. Both on debt and who they are indebt to. And all of them points back to their parents, as the one whom they are mostly indebt to.

One interesting point that strike me most, was when the lecturer shared that he would try to spend as much time as possible to be with his parents, taking care of their needs rather than materially.

Of cause others, contribute differently according to what they can afford. But how many of us are able to spend their time with their parents when they get a job and live separately?

Parents no matter how successful you become wish nothing but our happiness. Generally no parents would ever ask back what they have given to their children, even if they have their own income , it does not make anyone less if we share what we earn to our parents and family. As I may quote from Anne Frank:

“No one has ever become poor by giving.”

Sadaqa (Charity/giving)  is not just for those in need, but also for the family closest to us who is in need. So naturally, the first for us to share our wealth is to our family first, before others. Even if our parents have their own income, we should at least give anything that we can afford to give, no matter how small it is, give while you still can.

How do you give? Give…your time…give your ears…listen…and be kind to them….help them in the daily chores if its the only thing you can do..  I thank my aunts for their reminder, that it is important that we quickly do whatever they ask us to do around the house, even as simple as making a cup of coffee.

Be at their service, and be thankful and honoured that you get the opportunity to serve them while the rest of your friends who may have lost their parents, can no longer have the opportunity to serve their parents.

I realize that parents, as they grow old, and even myself, can become sensitive to every word we say. So be careful with how you say it, choose your words, especially the way we treat our parents, because it will reflect how our children will treat us when we are old. Remember that as they grow older, so are you. Therefore, treat your parents the way you want to be treated when you are older, and do it sincerely without any expectation or any benefit gain but your parents happiness and Allah swt (if you are a muslim).

As we climb the ladder, don’t forget those who push us up so that we can reach higher, the one we run to when we are afraid and too scared to step out and reach our dreams, our parents shadow will always follow behind no matter where we go, we take our parents with us. We are after all  part of their gene. I can assure you that no matter how far we have gone, we can always come back home.

Although we can never repay the debt we owe to our parents, make an effort to at least try and return the favour by treating them the way they deserve to be treated.

“Hutang emas boleh dibayar, hutang budi dibawa mati”

(Meaning: Monetary debts can be paid off, but debts of good deeds cannot be repaid. A person brings such debts to his grave.) 

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‘Like’

You dont have to be liked by everyone


You just have to like yourself enough that you you dont care if people like you or not.
The problem with this generation is that they want to be ‘liked’ and ‘followed’


People like you for who you are, not what you pretend to be


Or want to be.


You dont need to change yourself for others, 


You change because you want …to …grow out of your own insecurities.
And were brave enough to accept your own weakness to overcome it.

Most people get disappointed when people they met do not appear to be who they thought they were or expected to be.
Thats where you always get disappointed…

Because we ‘expect’ people to be who we want them to be without realizing that these people are born in their own way, go through different experience than us, exposed to different environment and one thing for sure…are not …like ..you

If only people would accept the simple fact that, human beings,even animals are never the same. 
Even if they share the same parents, grow in the same house, studied at the same school…but never share the same body and mind 
(even siamese twins have different personality than the other)

So why bother complaining about how these people arent behaving the way you expect them to be, when you can never expect them to behave the way we want them to be.

Stop trying to control how people should behave in this world, stop criticizing everything that irritates you, stop pointing out other peoples flaw just because you dont like them.

One year or less than now, they might have change to a better person in the future and you are still stuck with who they were in the past.

If you have time to focus on other peoples lackness….probably..you are the one whos lack of focus in your life. Because people who have time to find faults in others, surely havent been spending enough time reflecting into their own fault.

I read somewhere that, people who are too busy about other peoples life, do not have any goals in their life except talking about other peoples life. People who have goals in life, are too busy trying to achieve their own goal than talking about useless talk.

So spend your time wisely, choose your words carefully and stop wasting your time on things that dont matter to you or benefit you.
Resisting yourself from talking about peoples life and actually putting your life together….are much harder than you think. 
Try that sometime, and see how your life will actually change.

Forgiveness

“I wept recognizing that no one was perfect, and that if we expected to be loved for all our imperfections, why are we so reluctant to accept and forgive the imperfections of others?”

Yasmin Ahmad

 

It gets easier now that I’ve learnt to forgive people right away, because I know how it feels to live in such guilt and the thought of not being forgiven tortures you almost everyday. It matters a lot for me to mend my relationship with people i may have wronged or hurt intentionally or unintentionally. For either way, human makes mistakes and we are not perfect. Who are we to decide who should and should not be forgiven when at the same time we don’t even know if we will be forgiven by Allah swt?

And even after all the apologies we’ve made to the people we hurt before, if they choose not to forgive you, then we must forgive them anyway, for the apologies we never get. For then, we will continue to live our life blaming ourselves for everything we did, forgetting that sometimes, we just have to stop apologizing when we have done everything we can to make things right again. We did our best, so now it is up to them to forgive us.

At the end of the day, God is merciful. InsyAllah, He knows best what we know not. Perhaps maybe not today, perhaps in another time when we are a better person, whoever we have wronged will finally be able to forgive us. Keep on praying for Allah swt is the holder of the hearts, only Allah swt can change our state if we are really sincere. So forgive and forget for the sake of Allah (“,)

Since today’s tazkirah was about repentance, so i’d like to share a bit of what i remember in the tazkirah.

The Imam told us a story of a man who wanted to repent because he killed 99 men, he went to find the most knowledgeable men in town and found one. After hearing his intention to repent, the man said, he can never repent because he have killed 99 men, therefore Allah swt will never forgive him.  Angered by his word, the man killed him right away.  Remorse by it, he searched for a wiser man than him, who then told him that Allah swt is merciful therefore if he really wants to repent, he have to move from this town and go to another village because the place where he is staying are full of bad people so to avoid him from going back to his old habit, he should move to another place where there are more good people living in that village.

On his way to the village, the man passed away. And the Angels of Heaven & Hell came down to get his soul, torn between them of where he should be put in, Allah swt sends another Angel to help them decide by appearing as a human being. So, the Angel ask them to measure the length between where he died are closer to the village he is going to or closer to the town he was from. After measuring, the man died closer by one finger difference. And so by Allah swt mercy, the man goes to Heaven.

***

The conclusion is (from what the Imam said) is Allah swt are ever merciful towards those who wants to repent, the Greatness of Allah swt are beyond compare that He gives us so many chance and time to repent until The Hour (Judgement Day). Which means as long as the sun have not rise from the West, and our own final day where our life reaches our throat before the soul leaves their body. its never too late to repent. All we have to do is just ask The One Who Forgives, The Most Merciful, and The Most Compassionate, The King of the Kings.

It does not matter anymore what people will think of you, what matters is who you are to Allah swt.  So don’t let anything , anyone, or even yourself stop you from repenting and being a better person. InsyAllah (God willing) He will make it easier for you to overcome whatever hardship as you make hijrah to being a better person.

So if people do not forgive you, know that Allah swt forgives, perhaps they are just not ready to forgive you right now, but who knows one day they will? Just don’t forget to forgive yourselves as well and not live your life blaming yourself for you have hurt enough, don’t be too hard on yourself on the things you cannot change. Always remember that whatever happens, only Allah swt can change that. Let it go , focus on improving yourself, treat the people who comes afterwards or those who is already with you better, and do things only for the sake of Allah swt.

May what i share be beneficial for you as much as it was for me.

What is good comes from Allah swt, what is bad comes from my own weakness.

No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allah’s decree.

Caliph Umar Al Khattab