I often hear how some parents can be indifferent to their family and super nice to non family
It’s pretty much contradictory, inconsistent and confusing at the same time to see how different parents can be towards strangers more than their own family
The child will grow up thinking that their feelings don’t matter and become a people pleaser just to get their parents attention
That only if they are being nice and be a good boy/daughter, they will be treated well. But they will be afraid to make mistakes because they don’t want to be scolded by their parents.
That if they raise their opinions that are different from their parents, they will be shut down instead of heard and given silent treatment instead of talking things out.
Children walking on eggshells because they don’t want to hurt people’s feeling and surpress their feelings. That being yourself is not acceptable because it doesn’t meet societal expectations.
That they should not express their emotions or they will be seen as emotional, troubled kids, with tantrums but adults do the same tantrums when they are angry and mad at something
As asian kids we are raised in such a way that vulnerability means being weak instead of strength , courageous act for being honest about their feelings.
Thus creating a generation of people pleaser, that tolerates narcissistic,abusive, toxic who grew up in an unhealthy environment.
Hence why some kids grew up to become either exactly like their parents or the parents they wish they had.
Families should make their family members feel safe to come to instead of run from.
A place where they can be seen, heard, and loved for that is what the Prophet SAW showed towards his family
“The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family.”
– Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (Tirmidhi)
Mencari Sakiinah 