Time

The best gift to give….is time

The best way to heal…is time.
To a sick person, being healthy is what one hope to return to

To a person who once have parents to spend time with, would trade anything to go back to

To a person who once had arms or legs to use, wish that they can walk freely and do things by themselves 
But…
To an old person, who can no longer run like they used to, but walk, when holding a spoon is too heavy for them, when chewing takes longer than to swallow, when they can no longer go to the bathroom without someone to help them, thats when you know, our time is almost up. 
Time is precious, and yet , we sometime take for granted. 
All those time lost , we can never go back to, but for those who still have time, cherish it.

For time goes by in a blink of our eyes, before we know it, our time is up.
As the saying goes, leave the world better than we arrive, and return to tell the Creator, you did everything you can with the life we borrow from Him. And be happy with the rizq and path meant for us, for whatever is meant to be, is meant to be. 
Maktub. It is written

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That 30 things in life kind of post ;)

1) Take the time to talk to people around you, you never know they might need it.
2) Be interested of what other people is interested about, you might learn one or two from them.
3) Listen to understand …not…to reply, pause before you assume
4) Remove our expectations or we will always feel dissapointed when things doesn’t go our way, but His way.
5) Each person we encounter is an opportunity to learn something about them and about ourselves
6) How we treat ourselves is how others will treat us, be kind to yourself
7) We teach people how to treat us, be selective with who gets to stay 
8) Walk away from negative people, surround yourself with positive people who sees the best in you. 
9) Life is too short to be bothered by what other people think of you, they don’t pay your bills.
10) Spend time with little humans, nature and things that makes you human again. Being lonely and spending time alone is two different. 
11) Inner peace doesn’t necessarily means meditation, sometimes its as simple as taking a deep breath and let go.
12) Let go of things that is keeping you from moving forward, hate, grudges, and all the negativity will not help you become a better person. 
13) Choose to forgive and forget what people did to you, make peace with your past
14) Sleep early …or try getting enough sleep. 
15) Quit or reduce the junk food. 
16) Be open to know people outside your own field or circle. There’s always room for new friends, who knows , they might be your next best friend! ūüėČ
17) See the good in everyone and everything that happens to you, even the bad experience can teach you something
18) If everything gets cancelled, celebrate the free time to spend it to yourself. You deserve a break even if it means spending time alone.
19) Try new things or new experience once a while, teach yourself something you always wanted to try doing but never had courage or time to try it. Invest in your own personal development. 
20) You don’t have to figure everything out, every day is another chance to try something different or nothing at all. Focus on the 24 hour you already have. 
21) Appreciate the small things in life, it adds up to the big things in our life.
22) You don’t have to carry things on your own, some people might be more than happy to help, just ask. 
23) Help when you can, but know when to stop and set your priorities 
24) Sometimes, not helping is helping people to figure things out on their own. You can’t save everyone. 
25) You didn’t fail, you just figure out 1000 reasons why it didn’t work out. Keep trying until you get it right this time. 
26) Go out of your comfort zone, its scary at first, but you’ll figure out.
27) Acknowledge and remember all the things you have been through, self acceptance and self awareness is also an achievements. 
28) Whatever you seek is seeking you too, be true to yourself. Good things will come to you.
29) Faith is the easiest and yet the hardest thing to do. Have faith and tawakkal over everything you do is His plans in making a better you. 
30) Every single things that happens in our life has been written by the one who created you. Rizq comes in many form, a good family, wonderful friends, a healthy body (even if you get sick is an opportunity to remember Him more). So, be thankful that you are still alive to do something about it.
****
31) Keep on learning…..hehe

Is Georgetown losing its UNESCO World Heritage status?

Its a known fact that Georgetown has been gazetted as the UNESCO World Heritage status by the United Nation of Education Scientific Organization (UNESCO) since 7th July 2008. However, not many knows that more and more local Georgetown are now being threatened and forced to leave their home because they can no longer pay the increasing high rent. A backpacker owner in Georgetown I came across with told that they had to pay the rent for RM10,000 a month.

According to the President of Penang Heritage Trust, Khoo Salma Nasution, since Georgetown obtained the World Heritage status, the tourism in Georgetown are increasing. However the number of local Georgetown who lived there since generations before has been declining due to the increasing rent.

The number of local Georgetown are expected to decline to below 10,000 people, whereby the number of local Georgetown has reduce from 10,159 people in 2009 to 9245 people in 2013. However, two out of three criteria by UNESCO for Georgetown to be able to obtain the World Heritage status is because of it Cultural and tradition in Georgetown ¬†which is the ‚ÄėOutstanding Universal Value‚Äô (OUV) ¬† (Source: malaymailonline).

In her book title¬†‚ÄúThe Sustainable Penang Initiative: Creating State society Partnership For Sustainable Development‚ÄĚ, , the abolishment of Rent Control Act 1966¬†which¬†previously helped the local Georgetown to rent at a cheap price especially for those who have low income are now forcing the small business owner¬†to move out due to the increasing rent by the owner of the building.

For example,renter at 6 shoplot at Cheapside Lane nearby Chulia Street was forced to move out from their premise in December 2015 located nearby the UNESCO core zone.

A hardware shop owner, Eng Hooi, 50 years old told that his family has been renting in that area since his father start their business 100 years ago. He expressed his dissatisfaction because there  seem to have no effort in protecting the heritage, instead, priority was given to the development and tourism in Penang only.(Source: Malaysia Insider) .

Khoo Salma expressed that there should be an effort towards developing the heritage area in a sustainable way and controlled to protect the intangible heritage that can protect the people in Penang and the city itself. When the local Georgetown are forced to move out from the buildings, it also means that the heritage in Georgetown are also at stake because only the locals who grew up in Georgetown who have the knowledge, culturally and traditionally on the heritage of the place . The heritage in Georgetown is not just mere architecture of the building but also the local Georgetown who is the ‘living heritage’ of the town itself.

If such values loses with the disappearing of local Georgetown that inherits the culture and tradition of Georgetown due to the uncontrolled development, it is possible for Georgetown to lose its World Heritage status since they do not conserve the ‘Outstanding Value’ which is the Cultural and Tradition in Georgetown like what happened to other World Heritage site such as the Arabian Oryx Sanctuary in Oman and ¬†Drseden Elbe Valley¬†in Germany.

In Oman, the ¬†Arabian Oryx Sanctuary are a protected conservation area for Arabian Oryx that is now an endangered species. It is also a sanctuary for animals like ¬†‚ÄėArabian Wolves, Nubian Ibex, Mountain Gazelle, ¬†Honey Badgers and wild cat species, Caracal.

In 2007, the  Arabian Oryx Sanctuary became the first World Heritage site to be withdrawn its status as heritage after oild was found, effecting almost 90% of the conservation area. The number of Arabian Oryx in that area has decreased from 450 species to 65 specoies that year.

In 2009, due to the building of  Waldschlösschen bridge that was considered to divide the Drseden Elbe Valley in Germany that is a conservation area for 650 bat species  Lesser Horseshoe has made UNESCO to withdraw the World Heritage status given and funding to conserve the heritage area in 2004.

This year, another area nearby the World Heritage site whereby the 200 year old Buddhist Temple located in Pulau Tikus are under threat which is the Siamese Village, Kampung Siam. According to the villagers, they have been living in the village for 6 generation and was given a letter to move out within 30 days on 23 April 2014 . However, according to the original document in 1845 when the East India Company on behalf of Queen Elizabeth, has written a will that the area are designated for the Burmese and Siamese community living in that area.

The ownership of the land are supposed to belong to the community and any form of selling and transferring ownership of the land cannot be done and only be used for the benefits of the Burmese and Siamese community forever. Therefore the villagers are surprised on how the land was sold when the ownership of the land are supposed to belong to the Burmese and Siamese community  there (Source: Anil netto).

After exhausting all option to defend their village, the Kampung Siam villagers had to give in after their plea was denied by the High Court last  23 February.

Kampung Siam is where  Noo Wan @ Wan Dee Aaroonratana, 91 years old learn the Siamese traditional dance which is the  Menora. ( Source: malaymail). This dance originated from Thailand, Noo Wan is the son of a famous Menora dancer who came to Penang during the British era. His father,  Pa’wan Dee and his dance troupe was invited to dance and do their rituals at the Buddhist temple. The Menora dance are a dance inherited since thousands of years ago and not just a dance but a religious ritual. Noo Wan learn to dance Menora from his father since he was 14 years old. He will memorize hundreds of stories because the dance are performed through story telling.Each dance has its own meaning and moral value through spiritual stories. In Penang, the dance sometimes performed in Bahasa Malaysia. Unfortunately, the dance has slowly been forgotten unlike in Thailand. Noo Wan made his last performance in 2002 when he was 80 years old at the  Wat Chaiya Mangkalaram beforeretiring ( Source: malaymail).

Other than Noo Wan, Kampung Siam is also a close to Noor Jahan Shamshudeen heart because it is the place where her ancestor started their business making Roti Canai which is one of the favourite food in Pulau Tikus. This is the village wherebye a lot of early settlers from Siam migrated to Penang. Some of them resides here and got married to the locals here. (Source: malaymail )

According to Pulau Tikus assemblymen, Yap Soo Huey, he have tried to talk to the owner of the land, which is Five Star Heritage Sdn Bhd to allow the villagers of Kampung Siams to continue their daily life and business there. However, the company stands firm with their decision to build a five story budget hotel with 97 room and 3 shop lot.  September last year, Yap also state that he wants to ask the Heritage Department to gazette the area as heritage site and writes to the Penang Municipal to review the status of the heritage buildings and shoplots in Kampung Siam along Jalan Burmah and Jalan Cantontment (Source::malaymail ). However, all efforts to conserve the heritage, culture and history of Kampung Siam fail to resist the development in Penang.

History only ‘lives’ for as long as there is people to inherit and sustain their heritage. If the the local people who is also the living heritage in that area moves out or dies away, what is left is just empty monuments. What is worrying is that one day, the heritage and history of Penang will only exist in museums, flyers and empty building without any living heritage that can tell the history of Penang that exist even before the arrival of Francis Light to Penang. ¬†Pulau Pinang , previously knows as ‘Tanjung’ has been lived by multiracial from all over the region such as Acheh, Siam, Chinese Peranakan, Eurasians, and India muslim and the local Penang people even before 17th and 18th century.

Therefore the heritage of Pulau Pinang itself, should not be limited to Georgetown only but also to other area where the early settlers in Pulau Pinang should be protected, conserved and gazetted as heritage site by the authority.

The history and heritage in Penang should not just be an attraction for the tourist but an asset for the local government to conserve the living heritage around the heritage site  so that the tourist can also learn and know more on the history, culture and heritage in Penang even before Georgetown existed.

If such heritage site are being destroyed and developed only to be turned as boutique hostel and luxurious building without even being documented or conserved its culture and tradition, it will be a great loss to the country to lose such rich heritage site when the rest of the world especially developed countries has been protecting and conserving their heritage and history through a sustainable development effort.

Expectations

“Rather than rant it on twitter”

…its better to write it down…eh?

Well , i have lots of thoughts but i never really manage to put it down on proper writing. So when i had to write an article for what supposed to be a sample of my writing, for a job interview i went recently, boy it was harder than i thought. The interview went well, I guess but my gut feeling says no.¬†Especially when there are more cons than the job itself. Highly paid but stressful job expectation, not the kind of ‘stress’ i would enjoy even if i like writing. Plus it was too good to be true for someone who has not had working experience since I did my master. Like they say, if its too good to be true, its likely, its not true.

I don’t know if its possible, but i hope i can find a job that I will enjoy the stress I have to face everyday. A job where I can be satisfied to know that I have done something for whatever I was tasked to do. ¬†So, i chose the other job which pays less but at least there are more Pros in it even if its for a short time, at least I still have a life and near to my family. When that job ends, i will need to find a new one.

Job hunting in this time, is scary. But its more liberating if you can create your own job, I almost forgot about my dreams at the time. I guess it was good to have to reject the other job, since it makes me question what i really want in life. A life with no life but paid handsomely, or a life where i can still get by but more fulfilling? I ask myself, if money wasn’t an issue…what would you do? Happy… I want to be happy and make a difference, if not on a big scale at least to people around me.

People expect you to do PhD, but i don’t think i am going through all of that right away. Sometimes i do miss research, but not as much to go back into the whole process. Lol. Even if one day i want to continue my PhD, i would make sure that it is something I want, and not anyone’s idea put on me. After all, i be spending years on it to get it done.

“Sambung PhD”

“Kerja apa nanti?”

“Bila nak kahwin?”

Expectations after expectations..its really hard to silence all these pressures around you and maintain to be yourself in spite of what anybody say. You can’t please everyone, so you gotta stop trying to fit in and meet peoples expectations. I’m sorry, i am in no competition with anyone. I’ll just walk on my own path, at my own pace.

So to these people , please…mind your own business. My life, my decisions.

 

 

 

 

Malaysia Airline, A tribute

Thank you Raisch Studios  for this tribute.

This was certainly not my first flight with Malaysia Airlines, but it was the most memorable.

It goes back 7 years ago when me and my friend, went to Germany for a 3 month stay with a German muslim family for an internship while waiting for the new semester to start, and Li Ying at that time waiting for her graduation.

I never thought it would be the start for a beautiful friendship (i didn’t put your picture here without your permission Ying, in case you dont want to be famous haha)

It was at this time, I learn to live with , one a non muslim up close, and a german muslim family at the same time. But set that story aside, lets go back to MAS and why I love flying with them.

For me, it always give you the closest feeling to ‘home’ whenever you fly with them, i did not feel like I was going abroad until I had to leave the plane. When you enter, you see your ‘orang kampung’ greeting you, one of them sneaked in some chocolate from the first class for us, it was just a chocolate but still you were touched by their kind gesture to us.

Then, we get to meet this wonderful stewardess, I can only remember her name as Siti Hajar (had i not took a close up picture of her name tag haha) , but i do,every time make sure that she was not on the list of the stewardess in both MH370 & MH17.It would have been devastating news if she was on board. I dont know why, but every time news like this hits you, you just can’t help to feel sad with them. It does feel different when it hits something that is closest to you, even if you dont know anyone on the plane.¬†

And when its time for us to return to Malaysia, our flights were delayed for almost 10 hour, due to an engine problem. When most of the passengers were grunting and frustrated by the delays, we the Malaysians were happily having our meals with the vouchers MAS gave us while waiting for them to rectify the problem. Instead of feeling all frustrated by the delays, we get to know each other and became instant friends at that time.

To be honest we were glad that there was a delay, else we would left the plane as strangers instead. Me and my friend particularly would rather be delayed safely on the ground, rather than up there. Personally I admire how MAS handle crisis, even for a mere delay, one of the officer who was in charge were so calm and so cool despite being badgered over and over again by impatient passengers who just could not tolerate with delays. Which im sure everyone wants to arrive their destination for their own reason, but pushing the buttons so many times wont make the ‘lift’ arrive faster, imagine if something goes wrong if they didn’t discover the engine problem earlier, it would probably be our last flight ‘home’.¬†

Okay, maybe I have never lost anyone in a plane, but I know how it feels to lose the people we love. On the flight, it was not just the Pilot and crew that lost their life, it was not just the passengers, but the people they leave behind . they could be someone’s father, mother,wife, husband,children, or friend and even our own PM step grandmother was also on that plane.I bet anyone in this world belongs to at least someone or have someone they love or care, so if you don’t feel something for these people on the flight, then something must be wrong with your heart that you can’t feel a single shed of empathy for them.

And it is truly unacceptable for anyone to question how Malaysia choose to handle this issue (Even for MH370 people would still question it) But i dont even care a single thing what these ‘people’ think about how we should and should not do, I standby Malaysia’s decision in not interfering with any country’s crisis, we don’t need to side with any of them. What matters is ¬†for the body to come back safely and the black box return to us so that we can figure out what actually happen without pointing finger to anyone until we have evident proof. It reflects the priority of the Malaysian government itself in putting Malaysians first, than getting tangled up¬†with some filthy political games.¬†

As for Malaysia Airline, I always believe that wherever we go, you carry your name, your identity, your culture, your country and everything about Malaysia. Part of you will always be a ‘Malaysian’ at heart no matter how far we go. So flying with Malaysia Airline, gives you the same feeling, you feel like you are flying with ‘Malaysia’. You carry it in your heart, and you will always remember the hospitality they bring for you, and the smiles, and the warm feeling you get every time they greet you as you enter and leave the plane.

So thank you Malaysia Airline for giving us the most memorable flight every time we fly with you, and may you always continue to serve your best and be stronger tan you were every time. I am sure that these two tragic incident have somehow in some way change your life, so i hope that you have a good life ahead. I may not know any of you personally (but reading some blog about the life of stewardess), well, lets just say, i will just make sure that i don’t add up to your problems with the ones you already had dealing with other passengers that is very determined to make your life challenging.

May all. of you (even from other Airlines), have a blessed Ramadhan and a wonderful Eid, even if you had to celebrate it up in the air with other people’s family instead your own. Even if you missed out each other’s birthday, or anniversary, or important event in your life because you had to serve other people (Applicable to those who had to go through the same thing). Know that at least me and most of the Malaysians will always support Malaysia Airline.

Thank you for your service. Its been a privileged to be flying with Malaysia Airline so I will leave this post with a quote from the late Maya Angelou:

‚ÄúI’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.‚ÄĚ

– Maya Angelou.

Celebrating failure!

 

 

“From failing you learn , from success, not so much!”

– Meet The Robinson

It took me by surprise that Disney finally came out with this kind of movie, its very rare to find movies that celebrates failure.¬†I know this is a tad late by 7 years already haha but I don’t really get to watch too many movie for the past few years.¬†What was I doing for the past 7 years anyway? Lol! Lets see, I was…starting my second year in university haha well it was a busy time for me. but better late than never.

I have quite a fond memory on failures, perhaps by now I was used to ‘failing’ in some of the things im not good at, only to realize that i am better in other things that suits me. Like that time when I failed math to a point where even my Add Math teacher cried because almost the whole class failed lol! I’m sorry cikgu, its not you, its us, we are just starting to get used to a new syllabus, but don’t count me on that, me & numbers just don’t mix ūüėõ

If I could choose to do it again, I think I would prefer to fail, and fail even better for all the things I failed in because it lead me to where I am now. It doesn’t have to be academically, even as simple as cooking, which ¬†I keep on burning, leaving out some ingredients, skipping some of the steps, or forgetting quite a lot of things (okay that doesn’t count..but failure to remember ..does counts? haha)

There are some failure’s i am not proud of, things that i was too childish to realize I was back then. But that was the year where we should be a child and act like a child, and yet, don’t let the ‘child’ in you dies with you. There are times we need to still have that kid in you because it will help us to still be that child who is not afraid of failing, who is not afraid of trying again, who is not afraid to speak their mind, and who will be nothing but themselves.

And i find this quite hard to still have it in us the more we grow up, the more we get afraid of the things that have not happened yet. ¬†And we grew up being afraid of what people think of us, giving them the power to make us believe that we are not good enough – when we ARE good enough for ourselves. Because if we don’t accept ourselves, even the worst side in us, then who will?

We can always try to turn our weakness into something positive, like being stubborn can turn into being determined to do the things we wanted to do ¬†and strive to achieve it no matter what the obstacles ahead of us. ¬†Of cause this is with the awareness that we put it into good use, not for the bad stuff. Don’t take this literally.

Because sometimes, failing in one thing, don’t necessarily means we failed in everything or other things. Sometimes it just mean, we are just better off in doing something else, that fits us better. We just have to find out what it is that we are good at. But we have to be brave enough to try again or try new things, new way of seeing things, no matter how hard it is.

Okay, I may not be some big shot right now, but looking back from where I was and where I am now. I would never thought that I’d reach this far, or take this path. Although along the way I did ¬†reach my lowest point, i stumbled, i fell, get back up again, my spirit level was like a roller coaster ride. It took me some time to realize that I have to share what i went through to my parents in order to get through my own internal struggle when it comes to research.

So I confided to my parents who ask me to find new friends who is in the same research field even if we are not in the same course, i joined a seminar, found new friends, though they may not be exactly the same as my friends back in my degree time, but they made me feel like i was never alone ..only thing is that we have different path but walking towards the same destination.

And slowly I learn to let go of all the things I thought I was going nowhere, and start to think of how to go about from where I am. I admit it was quite hard in the beginning to start again, and I almost feel like I’m lost again. But it wasn’t as much as before, because this time you have friends to support you whenever you fall back.

A good support system, that was what’s missing , and maybe a lil bit more discipline needed for someone who have the ‘heart’ of a Saggitarius, but the ‘mind’ of a Capricorn. Lol.. basically its more to heart vs mind. I do accept the fact that i play a lot, but when i do my work, i can forget the time , food, and my own health. So i had to make sure i eat on time, and learn to follow schedule (okay…okay not all…the time since the way i learn is quite different)

But what i discovered is that we work best when we are happy, better when we are passionate about it. So i learn to be happy even for the littlest joy like walking on the crispy dry leafs around my campus, or listening to the songs in my mp3, the soft wind breeze, or the gush of the wind whenever i go cycling in the evenings at one point, and even tried playing the drum which lasted a month but most of all spending my time with my family especially my niece & nephew who taught me how to be a kid all over again. I almost forgot how it feels to be that carefree and fearless. And they are like a reflection of who you were back when you were small.

So failure to me, is an opportunity to learn, and make better choice next time, or find better ways in overcoming our own weakness. and if it doesn’t work out, try again, and if it still doesn’t maybe its time to find other things that we may be better of doing than trying to get things to work out. Because sometimes, things just don’t work out the way we want, but the way God wants us. Whatever we go through now is to prepare us for the next big plan He have for us. So bear with it until its unbearable but do not give up on Him, you’ll find your way, just maybe not today? Okay i don’t know if i am making sense here but i hope you get what ¬†i mean.

 

 

 

“Listen, listen , listen.”

 

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.

‘ ‚ÄĒ Stephen R. Covey

 

Listening have not been my strongest point, and always i get scold for the same thing from my mom that I have not been listening.

It takes a lot of effort and patience to remain focused, especially for people like me who can’t absorb too many information in a day and i would get lost in between the conversation. And every time an argument happens, i find myself saying the wrong things ,seen in the wrong way, and suddenly judged on something i thought i ¬†didn’t do.

Only after i have reflected back what they say to me, i could make sense of what’s going on , sometimes a little bit too late to make things right again. The ones i regret most are with those i care about, since thats where it hurts the most. Sometimes we were too stubborn to think that our way are better than theirs that we couldn’t see it the way others see us. And sometimes, we forget to ask ourselves, if what they say about you could in some way be true?

Criticism sometimes can be a good thing, sometimes a bad thing depending on how much you are willing to accept and hear what people criticize about us. Especially if it comes from the people you love and care about, we may get defensive for a while, but gradually as we age, we find ourselves grow out of it.

I believe in any stage of our life, there will be that one time when we were so foolish and childish over little things that don’t matter, by the time the fights are over, we ask ourselves, why did we fight over such small issue in the first place?

Once, when my friends cancel out on me over a weekend sleepover, i used to be so upset about it since ive made so much plan and look forward to it. Took me some time to get over it and go back to being friends again, and apologize for being such a little kid. And saying this, don’t make me feel embarrassed anymore because that was the time when i realize who was my real friends.

At that time, it was one of my bff also another close friend of mine back then. It was really hard for me to swallow my own ego and apologize to her after days avoiding her. By then , your course mate have already notice that we drifted apart but wasn’t sure if that was true. So I made up so many reasons that we weren’t fighting, just busy with our own thing. My best friend, did attempt to find me, but it was me who keeps avoiding her. By the time i was done with my tantrums, i realize that i was being nothing but childish friend. ¬†It never came across my mind that there will always be next time, its just that at the time things were pretty busy and i was just too stubborn to accept that. By the time i came back to her to apologize, all she did was just hug me and all was well. When i ask her why would she accept me back as her friend, the answer was simple, nobody is perfect.

I must say, i was touched that i almost cried. Even after that, we still have arguments, probably lots of it because i was quite a sensitive person. And she was being very understanding to not give up on me, even after i treated her pretty bad. The reason was, she was being straightforward for everything she say about me, with the intention that i can do something about it and change for the better. But she left that part out, and i had to figure out myself lol!

Always, at times, i get into stupid little fights with her and gets angry at her every now and then. Even until now, she would sometime poke fun of me, just to see me mad at her. By now, i realize when she was just joking around to make you feel annoyed by her words, and when she’s not. Either way, you just have to chew it hard and grit your teeth, because she’ll just give you that cold hard fact about you and leave your emotion to yourself to deal with. Seriously she do have some guts to do that, only after licking¬†my own wound that i realize how *beepbeep* i was towards her and to myself for being too stubborn to not try to listen to the reason why she says like that.

So when i went to ta talk recently by IniAnwarHadi that touched on how to advice someone who is very sensitive about what they do or say, the speaker referred to his own experience which is , when he was asked to take down a video post on someone well known of their statement in the news by his parents. At first, he was reluctant, and were very sensitive about it, but later on he reflected, and took down the post because it is hurting people’s feeling. He was referring to commenting on social media where anonymity became both a tool to empower people or can bring people down. He didn’t like it when people are applauding him criticizing the person , even though he feels that he was right, but it didnt feel right when people are supporting your negative behaviour over the internet. So he took it down because it was only going to feed his ego. From then on, he would think again why he is posting something up and whether or not this is something that feeds his ego or for a good reason. So he would ask himself again and again about what he was about to do are going to be good for the people or for himself?

So when there was a question on the best way to approach sensitive people is to have empathy by putting yourself in their shoes, and try to understand them better first, on why they are behaving that way. Which many of us probably forgot to ask ourselves why we want to say something or do the things we do rather than what we want them to be. So, instead of putting them in a list of all this judgements we think we know about them, he asked the audience to get them asking themselves why they are feeling this way and talk it out.

Because if we were to put ourselves in other people’s shoe,¬†we would understand why that happens and how to improve from there. Since i believe, when we put ourselves in other peoples shoes, we will find ourselves no different than those whom we hurt. They are after all human being, they make mistakes and aren’t perfect. So you forgive them anyway, because your relationship with them matters more to you than your own ego.

That i believe is what true friendship are, to have that much patience and faith towards one another that we put aside our anger and try to see things from their point of view first instead ours. Because sometimes we are just too focused in wanting people to change to be the way we want, when we forget that we too need to change the way we think they are . Change must after all comes from themselves, so instead of criticizing them, try to understand first their situation and the reason behind what they do before we slowly try to resolve whatever problem we have with them or anyone that we have to deal.

For some times, they were put there not to bring you down, but to lift you up into becoming a better person.And sometimes, the things that people say to you dont necessarily comes from the person, but the Creator of that person as a reminder of our own weakness when we do something that hurts their feelings. Perhaps its just a reflection of our own flaw that we need to reflect ourselves , because He wants to teach you something and they were put there by Allah for our own good so that we dont harm others and hurt them the way we have hurt the person we treated badly.

So we have to swallow our own ego, and crush it hard so that we can see clearly the effects and consequences of what we do to others and grow to learn from it as a lesson in our life.
No matter how much it hurts when it was said to us, we must always remind ourselves that it will hurt more if we continue to be the person that we are being towards others.

Remind ourselves that the words did not come from a person but from God who sends us that person to remind us to treat people better and to be careful when we deal with the people around us and the things we do or say in the future.

We are afterall only human being, we make mistakes, and when we realize it, admit it, there is nothing wrong with it . Even if we think we have the rights to be angry at what people say to you, we dont have the right to treat others bad. Instead, it makes us a better person when we resist ourselves from hurting them back the same way we got hurt by what they say.

Such patience takes a long time to nurture it because to be patient is to be humble. And to be humble is to learn not to let anger and emotion gets the better of us. Hold down your horse, slow down, take a deep breathe, and just let go of whatever negative feelings building up inside.

Then, ask ourselves, why this happens and what is it teaching you? What can we learn from it and how do we make things right to those who said that to you. For sometimes it was voiced, out of concern and not to put us down but to bring us up so we grow to be a better person.

So listen carefully to what they are trying to tell you and dont misinterpret what they say before you have properly discuss with them the reason why they say that to you. Hear them out first, and ask ourselves if there is some truth in it?

And if it is true, then ask them why they are saying like that, and how do we improve ourselves instead of distancing ourselves from them just because we dont want to get hurt anymore. We hurt the ones we love most, but its what we do afterwards that will make our love towards them grow stronger. At least we know that the words they say were true and sincere because they love you so much they dont want you to hurt ourselves and the people around us.

So its okay to get criticized once a while, and check ourselves on where we can become a better person by leaving some of the negative side we have and take it as a learning process in improving ourselves and the way we interact with others.

Its one thing to get hurt, but its another thing when we hurt those we truly love and care just for the sake of hurting them back for our own satisfaction just because we dont like what they say about us. But if we stop and think of why they say it, maybe we can finally make sense of it, that they meant well but we saw it the wrong way because we got our emotion get the better of us instead of setting aside our anger and resentment towards how they treat us. At times like that, its very easy to point to peoples flaw but have we ever thought of our own flaw as we point to others?

Although their words may sometimes stings, but sooner or later you realize that it wasn’t the way we thought they were. And we were not sensitive enough towards others when we think they are ¬†such and such person. So learn to listen to understand rather than to reply the next thing they are about to say. True friends would stick around in spite of seeing their friends worst side, because they know there are more goodness in them than the ones you saw. So its only a matter of time that they would realize their mistakes, and if they do come back for you, don’t turn around your back, for it may be the last time you see them again.

If only we realize how short the time is, we wouldn’t be wasting time fighting over stupid little fights and just learn to accept each other just the way they are. ¬†Islam, especially encourage us to reconnect with the ties we have broken, and not stay silent up to three days. That to restore the broken relationship are better than to cut all of their ties with you and leave them. And no matter how bad people treat us, we should only return the hatred and anger, with more love and kindness .

‚ÄúThere is no point in keeping vengeance or stubbornness. These things” -he sighed- “these things I so regret in my life. Pride. Vanity. Why do we do the things we do?
Morrie Schwartz‚ÄĚ
‚Äē¬†Mitch Albom,¬†Tuesdays With Morrie

 

‚ÄúAs you grow, you learn more. If you stayed as ignorant as you were at twenty-two, you’d always be twenty-two. Aging is not just decay, you know. It’s growth. It’s more than the negative that you’re going to die, it’s the positive that you understand you’re going to die, and that you live a better life because of it.‚Ä̬†
‚Äē¬†Mitch Albom,¬†Tuesdays with Morrie