2017

2016 was like a rollercoaster of emotion, as i graduated in 2015, everything seems happy, family and friends congratulating,  and so whats next ?  So by 2016, like any graduate, i was hopeful that i will find a job that i like and passionate about although i still didn’t know what i wanted to do.

Without hesistating, i accepted a job to fill in for a vacancy available. I will not mention where and what because its facebook/social media where – professionally speaking, you should never post anything about your workplace on the internet (Rule number 1). Details aside, I didn’t continue my contract, I was not happy , the kind of happy where no matter what happens , you still look forward the next day. Give me any job, i will be very happy to do it, i get from my parents most , a hardworking employee (if there’s anyone more hardworking i know , it would be my parents!)

So i learn that, being good at something doesnt necessarily means that it’s your career but a job you do to fulfill your responsibility as an employee where you work in. Of cause not everyone have the luxury or priviledged to this. But if you do find yourself able to take a break from this, take a gap year and give yourself some time to figure out what you want to do next.

So, i went on helping my parents, sometimes as a photographer, taking photos of their research with community, sometimes makes videos of it, sometimes writing a research paper, sometimes about the people i come across with, simply because i am happy to write about people with such passion and inspirational. Little people making small changes to their community. So most of my friends on facebook would be reading it via ‘Stories Of The Day’ album. It was written out of the spur moment because my head is full of words that i needed to write it down and share it.

Writing came naturally to me, it was never something  I learn professionally. I just write whenever my mind have something to say, and can only be translated through writing. I remember being very excited to write the essay part in english class or exam. And i always wanted to write differently though my teacher never comment or praise  my writing, but i know what my teacher feels through the grade.

Growing up, my writings were sacred, keeping a diary was my refuge. But once it was discovered by my siblings, i was traumatized for some time and stopped writing. I forgave all of you btw, its just necessary that i write this part to connect to the next part.

After years of not writing except for school purposes, i stopped expressing my thoughts unless its exam time. As i enter my university year, i started writing again via blogspot but still i am easily found out online lol! Until one day a friend introduced me to another blog platform where you can anonymously write without revealing yourself. In some way, it helps me to channel my thoughts and whatever in my mind ‘freely’ without worrying what people might think or comment on.

Again, i was still found out by very few people i know who was using the same blogging platform. I deleted right away (even though my followers was growing) and made a new one, strangely, some of the followers consistently can recognize my writing no matter what url i change to haha.  So i gave up and just continue writing.

Tbh, i didnt like having that many followers, that button shouldnt exist! It makes you feel insecure of how many people are reading your posts, it took me some time to believe that people actually follows your blog because they enjoyed reading your posts. I see this from the comments and messages i received based on my posts . But i never take my writing seriously until i contributed the articles to The Vocket on my experience staying with Malay community in Capetown.

I was rather surprised by the feedback and happy that people appreciate and enjoyed reading it. For me, as long as the message i want to share with my readers received well, i am already happy even though i didnt get anything from it (it was done for free because i wanted more people to know about the malay community in capetown rather than about me going there).

Coming back to Malaysia, it took me a while to get myself adjusted to the attention people gave me both in Capetown and Malaysia. Not to say that i am now somewhat famous, but at least to those who has been following my journey, they were quite receptive to see the writing side of me. Some suggested that i write books, or documentary script, document it in something written but all i really want that time is to take a break from the whole social interaction that i had almost everyday. As much as i love meeting people, i also needed my own time to recharge and relax my mind from everything happening around me.

Psychology says i might be an ambivert , one who enjoys both socializing like extroverts do but also takes refuge in  her own solitude ‘mind palace’. Other names, might be extroversion introvert, but i think everyone have their own side which they most strongly connect with. Only that people might be selective with who they open up to or connect with, but other times can actually act like normal human being and not subjected to particular label or non existent boxes in their mind.
However, its thanks to the articles i shared in The Vocket, ithat made me realize, writing can be an influential and powerful communication tool to all kinds of people depending on the kind of message you want to post. It brings together the like minded people who is interested in the same thing we are passionate about or attract new readers to want to know more about what you wrote, as long as your intention is right.

I learn that you cant continue to hide your talent because one day it will show or someone will find out your talent. And if we keep on surpressing it and denying that we are good at something, we are injustice about who we are and the gift that God have given to us to do something forwhatever talent He gave us.

So, i started to accept that i might be a writer (or a ‘storyteller’ to some ) though not yet a book writer, but at least have written a fair amount of  things i wrote in different platform, academically or not. But it is up to me to write my life in the next 365 days. So every day is a chance for me and anyone reading this to write a new page. Although we cannot rewrite our past that brought us to where we are now, but we can certaily write the present which is, today! So, write a good one and may everyone of you have good year ahead! Happy new year!

*Slowly writing my own path…..

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