A year in 2016

I was looking at fb a year in review, and thanks to the memories function we were constantly reminded of the things we do in the past few year. Some was good, some wasnt, some was happy memories, some was sad. But life goes on. With pr without you. It does. 
I must say, taking a break – a gap year – whatever you want to call it. Has been a journey within that ive been fortunate to explore on. It wasnt easy to resist that feeling like i was somewhat left behind from the rest of my friends who has probably have a decent job, family and children of their own. 
All the things that i thought i would be doing by 30 turned upside down and im still figuring out my life was. I made the decision and stick to it, i dont want to look back for the life i choose not to continue my life as. Refusing to participate from such competition, probably the best choice ive made, i wasnt a ‘good runner’ anyway, so i always needed that short breaks and get distracted by the flowers and things along the way. 
Even if i were to go for a hiking, i would need a month or so to build up my stamina before i actually go on a hike. But im glad that at every hike i made (well three sorta), i can always find some friends to go with together. If the previous year, i learnt how to wall climb, and learn to ‘fall’, this year was probably about hiking my way up. God knows, how long it will take me to get there. But i hope when i do, i still have some friends with me to enjoy the view and family to go home to.
Which brings me to the part where this is the year, where you learn that as long as you have a family and a few good friends you to support you, everything else is secondary. Even the opinions of negative people wont matter much to you. Because you also realize that peace is better than trying to prove yourself right (even if you are right, you might still be wrong for others) Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but its up to us to accept these opinions. Unless we allow ourselves to be effected by whatever people think of you, then we will always be their prisoner. Still, words do hurt. So choose your word wisely.
Every year, we will either lose friends or gain friends, and sometimes we would bump into them, saying hi and go on separate ways without keeping in touch with each other. And its okay to not want these people back into our life. It wouldnt work out anyway if we kept them in our life. We dont have to hold grudge or anything, just simply let go and be happy for each others life. Some things arent meant to be, friends can also break your heart, but you dont have to break theirs by being mean etc. Being nice is rare nowadays, be that person because some day, someone nice will come along and treat you like you deserve. 
This year, i decided to share a little bit of my writings, it was rather scary at first since like everyone else, theres a lot of fears and doubts along the way that i had to battled with. But, im glad to see the response i get from some of you who have been supporting me (including my own family). Honestly it took me years to gather this courage to write down what i feel instead of keeping it away in a private blog or not at all. And a lot of grammatical error haha! So, i learn that, sometimes you cant keep on hiding what you have always enjoyed doing or naturally do, because it will show up sooner or later. I dont consider myself talented, as imposter-syndrome would crept up, but my point is, there will come a point in our life where you have to share that talent of yours and the things you are good at, because someone might be looking for the skill and knowledge you have from places or people you will never expect. Who knows, it might be that dream job you have always wanted but never thought could come true. Or at least do it for your own personal goals. To be better than you were yesterday is at least the competition you can win every day. But dont be too hard in yourself that you start to put too much pressure on yourself and your own crazy expectations that you forgot about what really matters in life. You!
No one really know where they are going, or figure out what they gonna do right away. So its okay to not have everything figure out, life is a constant change, everything is temporary even your bad days. Learn to see the good in everything around us and be happy with whatever comes. Be happy, be sad, be angry, be weird, be who you are because we are human beings. Feel every emotions, embrace your shortcomings, acknowledge your worth, value yourself and love who you are. Its okay to not be okay but its not okay, to pretend that everythings okay. Get help, get a friend, get your parents , and reach out to those you are most comfortable to confide what troubles you. And if you cant find any of them, you can always turn within and find God. Because its in these moments that you are most vulnerable and need strength from God to lend you these strength. When your empty, other things will fill up the space but nothing will ever suffice until we ask from The One who suffice us. Say, hasbunallahwanikmalwakil (Allah swt is enough for me). 
And as the matter of heart goes, i am content that i should cherish my single life because there will be no other time than now where i am happy to be at, though does not mean i hate marriage (i was raised by a very strong married couple whose reading this post lol!) What i mean to say is that, im using this time to focus on my own self development and life as it is. Just keep on praying for what is best for me, and insyAllah, whoever written for me will arrive when the time is right . But until then, im just gonna chill and enjoy this journey. 
Alhamdulillah for this year. Insyallah for next year. May Allah swt bless all of you with whatever best for all of us. Amin.

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