30!

Turning 30 was easier than i expected (although i was rather anxious the day before. Haha) but waking up like its just another day, dont make me feel any different about it. I kinda like my age right now, the number is ‘even’ now haha! 
Just a little tip, whenever you turn older, go meet someone older than you and ask them about their experience in life haha! For some reason, i felt a bit calmer when i hear about other peoples experience in achieving their life, the choices they make, the things they do, and how they started their career and reach where they are now, makes you feel like we have more to look forward to than the things that is holding us back in the past. Hehe thanks you know who you are 😉
My life has been a long detours and rollercoaster ride, thanks to all my ups and downs, pauses and stops ive had to face for the past 30 years, that brought me to where i am. Who i am today were because of the past experience i go through, our experiences and mistakes in life is preparing us to be who we are today. And at least, other than a lesson learned, some made into a good story i sometimes share with selected few and had a good laugh of the things that happened in the past. My life have become more interesting thanks to it!
Alhamdulillah for the past 30 years, and insyAllah to the years to come. May Allah swt continue to give us more time to learn and become a better person everyday and contribute back to people around us for as long as Allah swt have written for us. Thank you again for the wishes and prayers, may Allah swt grant your prayers and reward you with what is best for you too! 
And alhamdulillah to everyone who came into my life, whether or not they stay or not, thank you for being part of the chapters in my life. It has been a wonderful journey and i look forward for whatever lesson and experience that has been written for me! To reach 30 years old is also rezeki. Okayyyy….😉

  

Regrets

A friend of mine said
“I waste so much things on the little things, good friends that could have make a difference in my life , and being too caught up with what other people would think of me instead of what I want to do in life…but despite all, all the mistakes I have done, I don’t want to regret any of it and accept it as they are because it wouldn’t have made me into the person I am today”
this sums up everything I don’t regret !
I really do wish that I would have done more to save certain relationship (not necessarily love) , but friends whom i unfriended because of our differences, or remove from my life due to personal reasons etc.
But then again, if i didn’t do that, i would not realize all the people who really cared about me and loved me for who i am. Some, came back to make up for the mistakes they have done towards me, only for me to realize that i miss them as a friend more than i used to hate them back then.
Some I initiated to make it up to them(im not a perfect either!) due to certain issues we had back then , some despite driving them mad every now and then..slowly grow our friendship to the ‘mature friendship’ , while some friends that I never expect would turn into very good friends , whom i would pass by without making any effort to get to know more, cross path with mine again and turn out to be wonderful friends.
And its also funny that some, we hated each other for who we thought we were until we somehow we were thrown in the same boat (metaphorically) and had to depend on each other to keep our boats going until we reach our destination.
So, it taught me that sometimes, all we need to do is give that person a chance by getting to know them a little bit better and then decide whether or not this is the kind of friends or people we want to continue to be friends with because its really important to choose who we surround ourselves with.
Because sometimes, we will also attract negative friends and we need to be very careful not to mistake friendship with ‘friends with benefits’. So when we remove the negative people around us, we can then make room for positive people to come into our life. But, sometimes the negative people is good for us too, because you learn how to deal with difficult people and you learn how to be a better communicator or PR for instant.
But, what i learn most of all is that, if we can’t find a good friend, be one! Because eventually, we will attract the right kind of friends, and as we grow, we don’t really need a lot of friends, only those whom we can count on, those we know would be there for us, and those whom we don’t really have to contact with all the time, but when we do, we could just pick it up where we left off…and just be ourselves.
So yeah, regrets only comes when we tend to think of the things we could have done better, or people who is no longer in our life that is not meant to stay, and stuffs that we wish we could have but maybe, just maybe we are better off without the things we want, but appreciates whatever we already have , is what we need.
I remember watching a video on a story about a poor man who was very happy to dip his biscuit in a river and shout “Alhamdulillah for this!”, as the King pass by he was amazed how happy he was to have only a biscuit and dipping it in the river before eating it with such gratitude. And so the King asked what is the secret behind his happiness.
So the poor man said, “My King, would you give half of your Kingdom if you were thirsty but that is the price you have to pay when there is nothing in the world except half of your Kingdom to pay for a glass of water?”
The King replied “I would have given all of my Kingdom if I have to!”
And the poor man replies “So why should I not be grateful for the One who provides me this biscuits is the King of the Kings? Allah swt who owns all the wealth in this world?”
Then there was another story of how this person in Rasulullah SAW time, who came up to the Prophet SAW to ask him to make dua for him to be rich! Reluctantly beloved Prophet SAW replied
“The little you have, if you are thankful, is better than the abundance you have but you cannot carry it”
For three times, the Prophet SAW replied the same thing when the person insists that he makes dua for him. Finally, the Prophet SAW gave in, and made dua for that person to be rich. And so that person’s wealth multiplied, his sheeps doubled and tripled to a point where he have to take out Zakat from the excess wealth he have to be distributed for those in need. Zakat is an obligatory to give out for muslims who have excess wealth and income according to Islam teachings. But this person refused to give out to a point he makes excuses not to pay zakat and find ways to avoid from giving out his wealth.
Finally, Prophet SAW stops asking him to pay zakat due to an ayat from Allah swt about this person.
And this person wealth continues to multiply to a point he cannot manage it anymore and he wanted to give it away as zakat. By then, he was missing his prayers and all the things a practicing muslim should do because he was too busy with his business. Since that Allah swt warns the Prophet SAW not to accept any zakat from this person in the future, this person never get to give his zakat and his sheeps and other livestock continues to multiply that he have no space to keep it to himself. Even until the Caliphate times up till Caliph Uthman bin Affan time, this person died without being able to give out zakat. Only Allah swt knows what is his fate in the afterlife.
So coming back to what Prophet SAW said,
“The little you have, if you are thankful, is better than the abundance you have but you cannot carry it”
Try not to see what others have as something that you envy not having, because every one of us are made for different purpose and given rizq in many forms and ways. To have good friends we can count on…while others are alone when they needed one…is rizq, to have parents who is still alive while others wish they still have one of them…..is rizq, to have a home while others may not even have a roof…is rizq, to live in peace while others risk their life trying to live another day ….is rizq., to be able to breathe..while others rely on oxygen tank… is rizq, to be able to eat, chew, and enjoy our food while others may not even know if this is their last meal…is rizq, to have a good working body and healthy while others might be hospitalized….is also a blessing …but most of all..the greatest gift we all have…is to be alive…and still be given a chance to do something about our life…is rizq from the Most Generous and The Giver, the King of the Kings!
“So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?” (Ar Rahman, 55:33)

Calling someone thin is as offensive as calling people fat

For someone who is thin, I find it rather offensive sometimes when people point out how thin I am. Its not like I was hurt by it, but I feel uncomfortable when people keep saying how thin I am as if there’s something wrong with me.

I am perfectly happy with my body, and have no problem with it. I am happy that I dont have to worry about gaining weight, though i do try to eat healthily.

I am not on diet, I dont have anorexia, I am just thin. That’s all. Everyone were born with their own size & body shape, but so can we just stop stereotyping on each other?
Just because no one is saying anything about it doesn’t mean its okay to say that to a person who is not your kind of ‘normal’. What’s normal to you may not be normal to others. And ‘normalizing’ this isn’t going to stop people from saying stuffs at you, so speak up and tell people that its not okay. 

A year in 2016

I was looking at fb a year in review, and thanks to the memories function we were constantly reminded of the things we do in the past few year. Some was good, some wasnt, some was happy memories, some was sad. But life goes on. With pr without you. It does. 
I must say, taking a break – a gap year – whatever you want to call it. Has been a journey within that ive been fortunate to explore on. It wasnt easy to resist that feeling like i was somewhat left behind from the rest of my friends who has probably have a decent job, family and children of their own. 
All the things that i thought i would be doing by 30 turned upside down and im still figuring out my life was. I made the decision and stick to it, i dont want to look back for the life i choose not to continue my life as. Refusing to participate from such competition, probably the best choice ive made, i wasnt a ‘good runner’ anyway, so i always needed that short breaks and get distracted by the flowers and things along the way. 
Even if i were to go for a hiking, i would need a month or so to build up my stamina before i actually go on a hike. But im glad that at every hike i made (well three sorta), i can always find some friends to go with together. If the previous year, i learnt how to wall climb, and learn to ‘fall’, this year was probably about hiking my way up. God knows, how long it will take me to get there. But i hope when i do, i still have some friends with me to enjoy the view and family to go home to.
Which brings me to the part where this is the year, where you learn that as long as you have a family and a few good friends you to support you, everything else is secondary. Even the opinions of negative people wont matter much to you. Because you also realize that peace is better than trying to prove yourself right (even if you are right, you might still be wrong for others) Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but its up to us to accept these opinions. Unless we allow ourselves to be effected by whatever people think of you, then we will always be their prisoner. Still, words do hurt. So choose your word wisely.
Every year, we will either lose friends or gain friends, and sometimes we would bump into them, saying hi and go on separate ways without keeping in touch with each other. And its okay to not want these people back into our life. It wouldnt work out anyway if we kept them in our life. We dont have to hold grudge or anything, just simply let go and be happy for each others life. Some things arent meant to be, friends can also break your heart, but you dont have to break theirs by being mean etc. Being nice is rare nowadays, be that person because some day, someone nice will come along and treat you like you deserve. 
This year, i decided to share a little bit of my writings, it was rather scary at first since like everyone else, theres a lot of fears and doubts along the way that i had to battled with. But, im glad to see the response i get from some of you who have been supporting me (including my own family). Honestly it took me years to gather this courage to write down what i feel instead of keeping it away in a private blog or not at all. And a lot of grammatical error haha! So, i learn that, sometimes you cant keep on hiding what you have always enjoyed doing or naturally do, because it will show up sooner or later. I dont consider myself talented, as imposter-syndrome would crept up, but my point is, there will come a point in our life where you have to share that talent of yours and the things you are good at, because someone might be looking for the skill and knowledge you have from places or people you will never expect. Who knows, it might be that dream job you have always wanted but never thought could come true. Or at least do it for your own personal goals. To be better than you were yesterday is at least the competition you can win every day. But dont be too hard in yourself that you start to put too much pressure on yourself and your own crazy expectations that you forgot about what really matters in life. You!
No one really know where they are going, or figure out what they gonna do right away. So its okay to not have everything figure out, life is a constant change, everything is temporary even your bad days. Learn to see the good in everything around us and be happy with whatever comes. Be happy, be sad, be angry, be weird, be who you are because we are human beings. Feel every emotions, embrace your shortcomings, acknowledge your worth, value yourself and love who you are. Its okay to not be okay but its not okay, to pretend that everythings okay. Get help, get a friend, get your parents , and reach out to those you are most comfortable to confide what troubles you. And if you cant find any of them, you can always turn within and find God. Because its in these moments that you are most vulnerable and need strength from God to lend you these strength. When your empty, other things will fill up the space but nothing will ever suffice until we ask from The One who suffice us. Say, hasbunallahwanikmalwakil (Allah swt is enough for me). 
And as the matter of heart goes, i am content that i should cherish my single life because there will be no other time than now where i am happy to be at, though does not mean i hate marriage (i was raised by a very strong married couple whose reading this post lol!) What i mean to say is that, im using this time to focus on my own self development and life as it is. Just keep on praying for what is best for me, and insyAllah, whoever written for me will arrive when the time is right . But until then, im just gonna chill and enjoy this journey. 
Alhamdulillah for this year. Insyallah for next year. May Allah swt bless all of you with whatever best for all of us. Amin.