The ‘M’ word

“Will I ever see a wedding anytime soon?”
So we have arrived to that part where your mom smoothly ask you about your marriage. I didn’t have any answer for that, because I really don’t.
Perhaps I should have said, insyAllah there will be. But it is not up to me.
I thank everyone who is concern about me being single but perhaps my delay is a blessings for i particularly enjoyed being single where i take my time to know myself and do what I’ve always wanted to do. Most of all, spending most of my time with my parents. Dating were out of question, not because my parents were against it or encouraging it, but it just never occur to me since…come on…I don’t live to find men (literally).
Importantly, I learn to love myself and enjoy my own company. Its weird for others but normal for people like me who don’t live to try and fit in to people’s expectations. (Its a long process though.)
I was quite surprised to see how much importance people put marriage as but i also understand how important it is to build a marriage. And I was taken aback by certain standards people put as if one has to know everything before they get married when im pretty sure most who does get married don’t even know what they were doing and still learning about each other even if they are old. (don’t lie,eh…)
Friends, single or married sometimes comes to me for advice. while I know nothing about love or marriage is about.I do know one thing, you are as valuable as you think you are. So how you see yourself, or love, or marriage, is who you are inside.
For singles who is concern about them not being married yet etc, I try to assure them that their time will come at the right time for the right reason and with the right person. Most of them are married by now, and told me its true. But what I say , are only what has been said by Allah swt in many of the verse in Quran. When you have faith in Allah swt plans, you just leave it to Allah swt to take care of the affairs even if you can’t see anything happening right now.
So if Iblees comes and says: ‘How much did you call upon Him and did not see any response?’
Then say: ‘I worship (Allāh) by making du’a, and I am certain that the answer will come. But maybe its delay is due to some good, and even if it doesn’t happen, worship and humility takes place.’
Ibn Jawzi
Coming across this gave me more assurance of the path that He have written for me. Also how important it is to have faith in Allah swt plans on us, for there will always be such whispers that will manipulate into thinking that you are inadequate and thus kills your own self esteem and trust in Allah swt. Instead, we ‘trust’ men, and what people would say if we do not get married, and creating such fear and constant insecurity about ourselves and our own value, and self worth.
Therefore, when such thoughts comes to us , please do not listen and focus on being the right person for yourselves not others. These thoughts especially people’s words is not the one who provides you when you need help. And if you did have to let go of certain people in your life, know that you are better off without the ones who keeps you from being who you are, or people who hurts you, for all you know, Allah swt has been saving you from numerous people that will make your life even more miserable in the future. And it matters not if there will be another person to protect you when we have Allah swt to protect us.
We tend to look at the ones who left us rather than those who have stayed for us. When what we are about to receive in the future are far better than the ones we have now. So don’t count what you have lost, for it will never come back, but turn our focus on what we have now like a family to come back home to, friends who has been there for us, and all the little things we take for granted.
Sure its nice to see your friends getting married and all that, but it isn’t all rosy and calm all the time. What we see on social media is just the part that people want us to see, but beneath those smiles only God knows what happens between them. It doesn’t mean that marriage is a bad thing, its not, in fact its a good reason to know one person and their family for the rest of your life. Getting annoyed by them, overlooking stuff, fightings …lots of fightings , making up, huge amount of patience, until that point where you finally get along with each other.
As I tell one of my friend who will be getting married (no names in particular) , the secret of marriage lies between two people who vow to commit to each other and somehow make their marriage work, no matter what it takes. So as long as you have that in both of you, you will find a way to make it work. And God willing, He will make a way out of it. InsyAllah, my prayers be with you.

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