The ‘M’ word

“Will I ever see a wedding anytime soon?”
So we have arrived to that part where your mom smoothly ask you about your marriage. I didn’t have any answer for that, because I really don’t.
Perhaps I should have said, insyAllah there will be. But it is not up to me.
I thank everyone who is concern about me being single but perhaps my delay is a blessings for i particularly enjoyed being single where i take my time to know myself and do what I’ve always wanted to do. Most of all, spending most of my time with my parents. Dating were out of question, not because my parents were against it or encouraging it, but it just never occur to me since…come on…I don’t live to find men (literally).
Importantly, I learn to love myself and enjoy my own company. Its weird for others but normal for people like me who don’t live to try and fit in to people’s expectations. (Its a long process though.)
I was quite surprised to see how much importance people put marriage as but i also understand how important it is to build a marriage. And I was taken aback by certain standards people put as if one has to know everything before they get married when im pretty sure most who does get married don’t even know what they were doing and still learning about each other even if they are old. (don’t lie,eh…)
Friends, single or married sometimes comes to me for advice. while I know nothing about love or marriage is about.I do know one thing, you are as valuable as you think you are. So how you see yourself, or love, or marriage, is who you are inside.
For singles who is concern about them not being married yet etc, I try to assure them that their time will come at the right time for the right reason and with the right person. Most of them are married by now, and told me its true. But what I say , are only what has been said by Allah swt in many of the verse in Quran. When you have faith in Allah swt plans, you just leave it to Allah swt to take care of the affairs even if you can’t see anything happening right now.
So if Iblees comes and says: ‘How much did you call upon Him and did not see any response?’
Then say: ‘I worship (Allāh) by making du’a, and I am certain that the answer will come. But maybe its delay is due to some good, and even if it doesn’t happen, worship and humility takes place.’
Ibn Jawzi
Coming across this gave me more assurance of the path that He have written for me. Also how important it is to have faith in Allah swt plans on us, for there will always be such whispers that will manipulate into thinking that you are inadequate and thus kills your own self esteem and trust in Allah swt. Instead, we ‘trust’ men, and what people would say if we do not get married, and creating such fear and constant insecurity about ourselves and our own value, and self worth.
Therefore, when such thoughts comes to us , please do not listen and focus on being the right person for yourselves not others. These thoughts especially people’s words is not the one who provides you when you need help. And if you did have to let go of certain people in your life, know that you are better off without the ones who keeps you from being who you are, or people who hurts you, for all you know, Allah swt has been saving you from numerous people that will make your life even more miserable in the future. And it matters not if there will be another person to protect you when we have Allah swt to protect us.
We tend to look at the ones who left us rather than those who have stayed for us. When what we are about to receive in the future are far better than the ones we have now. So don’t count what you have lost, for it will never come back, but turn our focus on what we have now like a family to come back home to, friends who has been there for us, and all the little things we take for granted.
Sure its nice to see your friends getting married and all that, but it isn’t all rosy and calm all the time. What we see on social media is just the part that people want us to see, but beneath those smiles only God knows what happens between them. It doesn’t mean that marriage is a bad thing, its not, in fact its a good reason to know one person and their family for the rest of your life. Getting annoyed by them, overlooking stuff, fightings …lots of fightings , making up, huge amount of patience, until that point where you finally get along with each other.
As I tell one of my friend who will be getting married (no names in particular) , the secret of marriage lies between two people who vow to commit to each other and somehow make their marriage work, no matter what it takes. So as long as you have that in both of you, you will find a way to make it work. And God willing, He will make a way out of it. InsyAllah, my prayers be with you.
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Quit, part 2

I wrote this on my facebook, i thought i might share it here but in english. I was referring to a posting about how one  celeb finally earned her PhD after 6 years.

I had the same experience though different challenges. I wanted to share with people I know but they wouldn’t understand. They just can’t, unless we go through it ourselves.

It took almost 4 years for me but my brain was tired even until now. So when people keep telling me to continue PhD (like its so easy), I can only say InsyAllah (God willing, one day I will). Provided that I find a research that I am really passionate of (Im really done with my previous topic for reasons only I know). Because, in the end, its you who has to do the research not them (though its not like I can do my research every day)

Those who doesn’t know, the process of writing a thesis is not something you can do in a day or two, sometimes in a day, you can write a page, sometimes a paragraph, sometimes only write one line and if you don’t have any idea what to write, you shut down your computer and go out. Take a break. Get some fresh air so that your brain can rest and not think of your research (Even though subconsciously you do)

Continuing your study, be it master or Phd is a choice you make. To work is also a choice, not working is also a choice, taking a break or a gap year is also a choice …just like getting married, having kids is also a choice. But it doesn’t mean you just sit around doing nothing, you still have other responsibilities and do other things in between.

I worked for a while, only to realize you were not happy, not as in happy without any problems at work, the stress is still there, you still meet challenging people, but happy as in you look forward to working everyday, in spite of the things you have to go through each day. And rather than staying in an environment that doesn’t make you grow, and makes you happy anymore, its better to quit than trying to convince yourself it will get better.

Know your value, and respect your own self worth, that’s all I can say. Its the same advice I tell my friends who face the same situation. Even to those who was struggling to complete their master, due to certain circumstances. Do what you think is best for the situation. Its your choice, but learn to live with that choice you made.

For me, I didn’t want to spend the rest of my time complaining about people I don’t like at work. It was the toughest decision but the easiest once we have made up our mind , receive blessings from my parents who supported my decision. And i never look back ever since.

My mother said, its okay to quit.One day, I will find a better job and opportunity that I deserve. After all, Allah s.w.t is the best planner, there must be a ‘rezeki’(proportion) for me elsewhere that will be better than before. So I must learn to wait and have faith in His plans.

Quit

I was reading this “Whatever you do, don’t quit your job to pursue your passion”.

And its true.

Quitting is easy. But if you don’t have your family ‘support’ . Id be broke by now. I don’t recommend anyone to quit their job if they don’t have that ‘safety net’ to fall back into

Dreams are really hard, you cant hang to it too long, you cant hold on to it too hard. Sometimes you have to let go of your dreams, and make new ones that is more realistic. If its not because of some things i had in plan, i would be job hunting again. But i’m giving myself a break and wait until my plan is done

My gut feelings say that i should stick to that plan and let things reveal itself. But i must admit that i go on roller coaster mode everyday

A friend of mine didn’t have a job for 6 month, kicked out of her rent house by her own best friend, but her mom told her. Hang in there, God will give her what she deserve and she will get a good job one day

And she did, and now works in Dubai (Yes you! I just wrote bout you,Z)

Not saying that its always going to be lucky but if you have your parents supporting your decision, esp your mom praying for you, trust them

Your parents doa is everything, also your willingness to find new opportunity elsewhere. And i believe mine will come too. Its just taking some time to take into place, but i’ll get there. And if it doesn’t, i will find another way

There’s another friend who i convince her to quit, only because she have reached that level where she is better off working elsewhere. She said its not easy for her too, struggled for the first few year doing freelance job of her expertise, but finally she did it.  So i only encourage people to quit when they already acquire certain expertise that she can be independent from. And if they don’t have little mouth to feed.

Those parents who stayed in their crappy job, for their family. I genuinely respect them.  I hope i don’t have to be that parents and showed to my kids, i did it and so can they achieve their dream

A wise man once said to me: “If you don’t love what you do, don’t do it!”

And I did.

‘rezeki’ @ rizq

 

Hamza Yusuf, on ‘rizq’ @ provision

Purification of the Heart: Signs, Symptoms and Cures of the Spiritual Diseases of the Heart

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Rezeki itu ada dua bentuk, batin (yang tak nampak) dan zahir (yang nampak). Rezeki yang nampak termasuklah makanan, tempat tinggal, hidup yang baik. Rezeki yang tidak nampak ialah, ilmu pengetahuan, peribadi yang baik, rasa cukup (contentment), dan seantaranya.
 
Termasuklah orang-orang yang di dalam hidup kita ( kawan2, cikgu2, pasangan hidup, keluarga, dan seterusnya)…oleh itu, janganlah kita keliru antara memperoleh rezeki dengan kekayaan, Apabila seseorang percaya bahawa rezekinya bergantung kepada orang lain, akan menyebabkan perlbagai penyakit, seperti mahukan apa yang seseorang itu miliki, melakukan apa saja untuk mendapatkannya, dan menjadi marah apabila tidak mendapat apa yang dimahukannya. Rasulullah saw berkata kepada Malaikat Jibril
 
“Tidak ada yang akan meninggal dunia sehingga rezeki yang telah diperuntukkan untuknya telah lengkap diberikan”.
 
Maka, yakinlah kepada Allah swt dan mintalah perlindungan dariNya daripada melakukan perkara yang haram hanya kerana takut tidak mempunyai cukup kekayaan.

 

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