last week my phone was formatted and somehow most of the contacts i have was erased. at first i was rather furious about it, but then i realized, who matters. and whether or not i matter.

i had a thousand contacts, which i gradually add since i first got my own phone almost 10 years ago. some i knew some i don’t even know how i came to have it, but out of all, there were very few people i would actually ask for their number again.

whenever i wanted to ask for people’s number, i end up not asking for their number. and i assume that if people really need me, they will find me or vice versa. i stopped trying to find back all the people that used to be in  my contact list. it doesn’t matter anymore. i can start fresh.

surprisingly though, after i posted about asking for their contacts again, only two or three people who actually texted me and tell me their number. one of them had no whatsoever contact with me except one time when i happen to meet in a bbq. i guess that was enough to give an impression that the person wanted to remain friends with me even if we don’t know each other much.

being far away, its not supposed to be an excuse for me to not return the gifts she sent me all the way from abroad. but im such a failure in this that i only text her once in a while. its really surprising to see how people you never thought to be friends with was actually looking forward to be your friend. and yet,  i continue to overlook all these people and focus on people who never bothers about you.

on contrary, there are people whom i try so much to be in contact with, checking up  on them every now and them, only to be disappointed over and over again. and finally you stop asking about them and just be on your own. and it sucks sometimes. to be the one who finds people first, and not be the one who people finds you..first. worst, their last resort because there’s no one to turn to.

i also met someone i used to be friends with working in a restaurant i was having dinner with. i completely forgot that i am no longer friends with her, and even when i did remember, it didn’t matter and tried to say Hi anyway. obviously that person was not interested to reply that and walk away pretending she didn’t see me. so, i let it go, wishing that whatever she does, she’ll be happy. sometimes its just not worth it and you just move on..

“It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.”

-Nicholas Sparks



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