To giving up friends

A friend came to me and ask, “Have you ever felt so down that you want to give up doing your master?”

I smiled and asked why they wanted to give up and feeling down. So they told me how their research doesnt seem to go anywhere, that it is not the world for them, how they no longer have much friends to hang out with or discuss it, and pretty much the same thing that i went through the past 4 years of my research

I thought of what is the best advice i could give , but nothing is better than your own experience. So i told them that yes i did felt like giving up, almost every day of it but never did.

The first thing i want them to think of is that without all the external obstacle they were facing, do they still love their research, perhaps not love it as in really love , but how connected are they to their research. Would they really have given up if there aren’t any obstacle and what is actually the main reason they wanted to give up, is it because its hard or because they were lonely?

That was the question that my mother asked me when i wanted to give up, difference is she let me figure that on my own.

In the end, it was because its hard, but it doesnt mean its not possible for me to find my way or people i could ask for help. Help was everywhere in thend, the only thing to do is to ask for it.

Of cause at the same time i was feeling lonely, but somehow it taught me the meaning of solitude. So in the end i learn how to be alone without feeling lonely.

I told them that in the end you cant always rely on people to keep you company and be with you all the time. Research is a lonely journey not because we are alone, but because we need a lot of time to be alone to figure out about our research. Its a journey to ourselves, discovering about our strength and overcoming our weakness. We are our own enemy and we have to fight our self doubt, fears,worries, anxiety every single day. Once we are in control with our own thoughts, nothing can stop us from doing what we want.

In the end, its self motivation (but also a good support network) that makes you want to persevere. Once we find that motivation, it will drive you till the end. The only way to succeed is to ignore everything that is bothering you and find as many people to help you with your research.

I may not be good in something but someone else does, so find people who may or may not know about your research. They may not know all about it but they may know at least one part of it, and thats good enough in the end we are the one who should really know about our research and what exactly we are doing. We are the ‘master’ of our research.

But we also have to remember that the one who really knows is The Owner of all knowledge, only He can guide us and help us through it all. My father always remind me of this,to ask Allah whenever i am in doubt and struggling with my research. The answer to our question can only be seeked from Him.

Ask for the strength for we are weak, ask for His wisdom for we know nothing without His help,and ask for help and He will open the doors for you, all we need to do is knock on His door.

We may not get the answer right away because it doesnt comes all at once, we have to learn the lessons one by one for us to get to the next stage. He reveals the answer when we are ready so we cant expect to know everything if we havent learn the lessons before that. Like a child, we cannot become an adult if we have not learn to crawl, walk and grow up to become an adult.

Everything happens at its own appropriate time, His timing and plans are never wrong. Theres a reason why we are the one who have to take this path and not others. Nothing that He test us are ever beyond our control, so take this test and accept it as it is, face our own fears and overcome our challenges with courage. If you think you can do it, then do it in spite of everything that is infront of you, else theres nothing wrong to let go if it really doesnt go anywhere. But make sure you are giving up after you have tried all the possibilities, and given it a good fight. Then you can let go because you’ve tried your best.

Whatever happens, only we can help ourselves.

Find out what makes you happy, and find ways to keep yourself happy. Take a break, take lots of breaks and then come back and try again. If you dont, its okay to feel sad,and cry about it. We dont have to be strong all the time, thats what friends and family are for, to support each other. But if you cant find anyone, you know that He is the only One to turn to.

Im far from finished but im on my way, but if these few words can help others to carry on, then I am glad that it helped you. Im only sharing this because someone else have also helped me and shared their experience with me.the only way for me to repay their kindness is to share what i learnt to others. So i hope when you do arrive to this stage, you will also share your experience with others and spread kindness to those around us. We never know who we might be helping just by the mere kind words from us.

Whatever i learn throughout my research is from Him, what is good comes from Allah, what is bad comes from my own weakness. May this benefit you the way it have benefit me. I pray for your success in whatever you do, whatever your choice is, may Allah make it easy for you and help you through

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