“Speak quietly to yourself & promise there will be better days. Whisper gently to yourself and provide assurance that you really are extending your best effort. Console your bruised and tender spirit with reminders of many other successes.
Offer comfort in practical and tangible ways – as if you were encouraging your dearest friend.
Recognize that on certain days the greatest grace is that the day is over and you get to close your eyes.
Tomorrow comes more brightly…

Courage does not always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,
‘I will try again tomorrow.’

― Mary Anne Radmacher

Have a little faith (or more)

When an undergraduate student asked me why would i want to continue my master, instead of giving any superficial answer to that, i ask them back: Why not?

Choosing to continue our study is just the same way for others who choose to work instead of studying. Its a decision we made after considering all factors, at the time, and for our own reason.

In my case, the question is not ‘why’ we are doing this but ‘who’ are we doing this for. As cliche as this sound, my intention are first, to Allah swt. For whatever im doing are only because of His will, and after i have made all the research (before my own research) on the path id be taking.

Second would be my parents who have been supporting me and stopping me from giving up without putting a good fight while completing my thesis.

Third, myself. As selfish as it sounds, anyone would not do something if it doesnt benefit them or help them make their way into some sort of future path. Even though my research topic arent something that have a definite career promised, i hope it does contribute to the future researcher who will be referring on my thesis later on. Its been a humbling experience to know other people who refers some of your paper written elsewhere. It made you feel that your research does matter, even if its only for one or two people who studies in the same area.

But if there aren’t its okay, some day, someone will take up the same path you walk on, and made the road better than you last walk on from the road you started from. That is after all what research was all about, you contribute to one long road, and made it better. Just like the evolution of telephone, it all started with our grandfather having to dial in circle, to a single touch screen, and it is still evolving until now as we can see how many new phone or gadget launching every now and then.

At first, i wanted to write this when i completed my thesis, but i realize that there are a lot of my friends out there who might need a little bit of motivation as much as i was struggling.

There are a lot of things we research student dont like to be asked, one , is how is your research? You pobably should ask how are they really feeling instead. Also a lot of other things which comes to one possible reason is that people dont know what we are going through because they dont understand. So perhaps its good to share what its like to be a research student ( esp for those who may be considering of taking this path or still continuing this path). There is no definite answer to when we will graduate, because there are a lot of things and detours we had to overcome. We get lost, and found, and lost again and again until we finally found our way to what exactly we are doing and make sense of the things that we struggled back then that lead to where we are now.

One thing any research student will admit is that research is a lonely journey, but you dont have to go through it alone. We do have real, physical, not imaginary friends..who exist not just through facebook. We just dont get to meet each other often, and transform ourselves into small atomic molecules circling on our own orbit. Lol. However, if we do get together, there will be explosive reaction to that either disastrously or beautifully depending on the friends we keep company with. So if you happen to be friends with them, know that no news are good news, because if we do come find you, there is a real problem you might need to spare sometime listening mostly if you have no idea how to help us. We will eventually figure our way out later on, we just need to let it out and be done with it. Unless we specifically request for certain help. Until then, just be who you are to them, a friend or a family, whoever you mean to them, just continue being part of their life.

Meanwhile, those who is going through the i can take care on my own, know that sometimes, we need to let others to take care of you and learn to allow people to walk with you even if they may not understand what we are going through. You dont have to carry it alone because everyone is there to help us if we reach out to them. Help can only be given when we ask, it may not always come right away, but it on its way once you let them in.

The first step to complete our research is to give up…our expectations and learn to accept things the way it is and work from there. That leads to the second step which is to let people catch you as you fall as you try to hold on tightly to your research alone. It takes great courage to let go and trust the ones holding down the safety net below us. They may seem invincible to you but they are there if we stop trying to control everything , thinking that only we can do it.

You see.If we dont have a support system, if we dont admit that we are powerless over the things we cant control, if we dont reach out for help, we will never truly learn anything other than our own research after all these years.we were only focused in reaching our goals that we forget who actually help us reach our destination. Once we do realize this, we would be surprised of how many people whom we owe our gratitude to, whether or not they are good or bad person we are all made up of different people we meet through out the stage of our life.

And sometimes, our problem are much smaller than we think of if we were to look at it from a bigger perspective that, every one of us are walking towards the same destination, which is to graduate. But we never realize that on our graduation day, its the family & friends around us are the ones we are celebrating with and dedicate our gratitude to. For without them, we might fall without anyone to catch us from falling down and maybe get our scroll without anyone to celebrate our biggest moment.

Graduation is not just a celebration for one person achievements but the friends and family who made it possible for them to put on their robe and walk on that stage. Only when we learn to have faith in the people around us that we learn how to believe in ourselves a little. So, have a little faith, because its the only way to believe again.

“Choosing not to compete with the people in your life allows you to live up to your standards without worrying about theirs. When you measure your achievements against other people’s accomplishments, it is easy to become defensive because there will always be someone who has accomplished more. Eschewing competition means you can narrow your focus and concentrate entirely on getting ahead rather than being distracted by the need to outdo someone else. Your aims will reflect your inner values and what you truly want out of life. The challenges you face will be ones you set for yourself, and no one else’s success will cause you to doubt yourself or your capabilities. Choose not to compete today, and you will be able to take greater pride in your accomplishments. “

*In other word, compete with yourself by becoming a better person each day. Dont beat yourself up just because others are better than you, instead, beat your own personal accomplishments rather than looking at other peoples achievements.

Your path is yours alone, only you can walk through it. Everyone have their own journey and story to tell, write your own original story, dont be a copy, when you were born original 😉

Growth

We attract people who is similar to us, because they see themselves in you. So be careful with how you appear to others, it might just be your own reflection that you be dealing with. Reply to negative people with positive attitude, negativity is a reactive chain, it can continue on and on the more we reply to them. There is no such thing as win or lose, right or wrong, only the ones who is humble enough to end the fights and walk away from such negativity will achieve peace. And the best way to do that is to forgive and let go of all the bitter felings towards the other. Moving on doesnt mean you will forget everything but remembering all the good things you shared with them rather than the bad experience. To be able to look at a person with kindness instead of carrying all the bitterness with you every time you meet them

Dont mind if you dont have a lot of friends, you’ll find the right kind of friend as you grow. Meanwhile,the few friends who is worth the friendship you have are already enough compared to hundreds of friends you barely know. Dont try to make things happen but let things happen naturally, so does friendship or whatever relationship you have with people. Good things takes time to build and last through time. Nurture the ones you already have but plant new seed by opening yourself up to new people. You will never know who is the one you are going to end up spending your life time with.
If it doesnt last, let them go, because your time with them have ended, you may have outgrow each other that you need to break out from the same cycle and grow with other people. There’s nothing wrong with cutting a bad branch because sooner or later you will grow a new branch. If your skin got scratched, you’ll grow a new skin.

Nothing is permanent, so does people. Don’t be afraid to grow, even if it means being by yourself. There is nothing more beautiful than a tree blooming on its own , like the sakura tree, where people come and sit under it, while admiring the beauty it beholds. If others can see your beauty, why cant you?

Ada Apa Dengan Cinta 2014

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12 years have passed and it still feels like yesterday!

Goodness thank you LINE for this mini drama!

 * the only reason you watch it hehee

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– Ada Apa Dengan Cinta 2014

photo credit to: candra aditya