“I wept recognizing that no one was perfect, and that if we expected to be loved for all our imperfections, why are we so reluctant to accept and forgive the imperfections of others?”
It gets easier now that I’ve learnt to forgive people right away, because I know how it feels to live in such guilt and the thought of not being forgiven tortures you almost everyday. It matters a lot for me to mend my relationship with people i may have wronged or hurt intentionally or unintentionally. For either way, human makes mistakes and we are not perfect. Who are we to decide who should and should not be forgiven when at the same time we don’t even know if we will be forgiven by Allah swt?
And even after all the apologies we’ve made to the people we hurt before, if they choose not to forgive you, then we must forgive them anyway, for the apologies we never get. For then, we will continue to live our life blaming ourselves for everything we did, forgetting that sometimes, we just have to stop apologizing when we have done everything we can to make things right again. We did our best, so now it is up to them to forgive us.
At the end of the day, God is merciful. InsyAllah, He knows best what we know not. Perhaps maybe not today, perhaps in another time when we are a better person, whoever we have wronged will finally be able to forgive us. Keep on praying for Allah swt is the holder of the hearts, only Allah swt can change our state if we are really sincere. So forgive and forget for the sake of Allah (“,)
Since today’s tazkirah was about repentance, so i’d like to share a bit of what i remember in the tazkirah.
The Imam told us a story of a man who wanted to repent because he killed 99 men, he went to find the most knowledgeable men in town and found one. After hearing his intention to repent, the man said, he can never repent because he have killed 99 men, therefore Allah swt will never forgive him. Angered by his word, the man killed him right away. Remorse by it, he searched for a wiser man than him, who then told him that Allah swt is merciful therefore if he really wants to repent, he have to move from this town and go to another village because the place where he is staying are full of bad people so to avoid him from going back to his old habit, he should move to another place where there are more good people living in that village.
On his way to the village, the man passed away. And the Angels of Heaven & Hell came down to get his soul, torn between them of where he should be put in, Allah swt sends another Angel to help them decide by appearing as a human being. So, the Angel ask them to measure the length between where he died are closer to the village he is going to or closer to the town he was from. After measuring, the man died closer by one finger difference. And so by Allah swt mercy, the man goes to Heaven.
The conclusion is (from what the Imam said) is Allah swt are ever merciful towards those who wants to repent, the Greatness of Allah swt are beyond compare that He gives us so many chance and time to repent until The Hour (Judgement Day). Which means as long as the sun have not rise from the West, and our own final day where our life reaches our throat before the soul leaves their body. its never too late to repent. All we have to do is just ask The One Who Forgives, The Most Merciful, and The Most Compassionate, The King of the Kings.
It does not matter anymore what people will think of you, what matters is who you are to Allah swt. So don’t let anything , anyone, or even yourself stop you from repenting and being a better person. InsyAllah (God willing) He will make it easier for you to overcome whatever hardship as you make hijrah to being a better person.
So if people do not forgive you, know that Allah swt forgives, perhaps they are just not ready to forgive you right now, but who knows one day they will? Just don’t forget to forgive yourselves as well and not live your life blaming yourself for you have hurt enough, don’t be too hard on yourself on the things you cannot change. Always remember that whatever happens, only Allah swt can change that. Let it go , focus on improving yourself, treat the people who comes afterwards or those who is already with you better, and do things only for the sake of Allah swt.
May what i share be beneficial for you as much as it was for me.
What is good comes from Allah swt, what is bad comes from my own weakness.
No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allah’s decree.
Caliph Umar Al Khattab