“I have faith in you more than you have faith in yourself. How do i know? Cause i am precisely like you.”
Kind words from a very kind & thoughtful former lecturer of mine about my research. Its really hard to do your research alone, but it felt easier now that you no longer feel like you are carrying the burden alone.
In the final run of my ‘long marathon’ research journey, i have stumbled and picked up the pieces one after another. Everyday I felt like giving up, but when its time for me to submit it by the end of this semester, I felt more determined to finish it.
Even though, my body reacted differently because of my own anxiety, I got sick for almost two weeks now. Recovering slowly but it was good to know what i should and should not eat. Funny, but i am actually eating better food, and probably start a new routine, exercise.
My first exercise routine involves cycling for a good 30 minute before walking up the hill for another 10-15 mins back to where i left my bag. I was sweating by then, but it felt good. Need to build up my stamina more now that its very important to remain healthy as you do your research. A healthy mind is just as important as a healthy body, only then you can become ‘one’ ;P
I know i tend to worry a lot when in reality it wasn’t as bad as i thought it will be. All i have to do is just silence my thoughts, focus, and write.
Strange, when I should be panicking about running out of time, I felt calmer and more relaxed to sort my research one by one without rushing everything in one go. I feel happier and pretty much enjoying this ‘run’ now that its almost over , at times i just stop myself from my work and look out the sky, or whenever i go home, i would be looking at the sunset and just marvel at the opportunity i have to enjoy the sunset. And you start to notice all the little things you never realize about your campus, I would definitely miss this place more than ever.
Yes, i was tired of running, it was later i find myself running with more people chasing the same dreams. I guess I was never alone after all, everyone are on the same journey, just that our path sometimes don’t cross with each other but if you look it from above, you will see tiny dots running towards the same direction. And it all makes a difference when you find some of your friends helping you get up every time you stumble.
Sometimes from the same person, sometimes from different people, and sometimes from strangers you never thought would touch your life. That was it, you never realize what is already in front of you, i was looking towards the road so hard i did not realize the people around me who is looking out for me. And i thank each and every one of them for that, especially my parents. I know that my research are not finish yet, but it felt more like a team work rather than a one person research.
Mom was right, i need a support system, not just from the family, but from my own friends, not just the friends i knew in the past but those in the present, close to where i am supposed to be friends with, the whole damn research field. So i am really thankful to finally found that much support when i need it the most. You know who you are, if i were to list down everyone of them, i would have to dedicate the whole chapter just for these people in my life.
So thank you, all of you.