My head went heavy, i could feel the pressure crawling up on me.
I couldn’t do anything since morning. One time i was so ready to start doing my research as soon as i arrive my campus, and the next minute i was reminded that i haven’t taken my breakfast
I couldn’t even eat right, i just ate a sandwich and one piece of cream puff, and im done. My appetite just lost , like you just eat for the sake of eating so that you dont get sick but you are not even aware of what you are eating, Had only half..of the half rice for lunch, and your mind still didn’t work the way you thought you can
So instead of thinking too much, i just scribbled whatever goes inside my head about my research like a mind map, without thinking, sat on the bench outside the postgraduate room, staring outside, then called a friend to distract me until an old friend swings by to catch up.
Luckily my friend were free the whole day, and i ask her to spend the day talking with me since i dont think there is any point to work on my research when your mind are just too messy to think of anything. Plus, knowing that at times like this, i am prone more to accidents if i were to walk alone, since a few hours before i arrive the postgraduate room, i almost got hit by a car if i didn’t stop and look again.
Death is everywhere, near death are often times when your body just wouldn’t walk forward because somehow it stops itself from moving because its not the time yet for you to go. So that’s where you often find yourself miss death by a split second.
Whenever i feel too much in my head, i take a walk, it makes me tired but it helps me to reduce my stress, but today nothing seems to work, all day long. So thats why i told myself, no, you’re not ready today, take a day off, and talk with someone about anything , face to face.
Alhamdulillah, one of my friend were available, and its been months since we last met each other. So it was a good call that she swings by the campus after sometime. At times like this, I am really thankful to have such good friends who have your back every time you are about to fall.I know for one thing, Allah put them there to take care of you , through them. And I have never been so fortunate enough to have these people in my life
At the moment i be focusing mostly with the friends i have here in campus, so hopefully my friends miles away, would understand how important it is this time that i am here and not there. You can still contact me though, just that i am now buried with my research. But please pull me out if i seem to dig too deep„ it would be my worst nightmare not to be able to get out of it.
Perhaps its good that my supervisor is changing university, all it takes is just one more push, and run with whatever left inside me , to reach the final destination. I know that its not the destination that counts, but i have seen enough in my journey, its time to make my last sprint. InsyAllah.
“Life has many ways of testing a person’s will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once.”
– Paulo coelho