‘Giving up’ part 2

My friend ask me why i danced along when we went for Yosakoi. I said to her, its better to be awkwardly dancing together than awkwardly dance alone.

Another friend ask me why I confided to her back when I was giving up since we weren’t close at that time, I told her, I was just following my intuition ,

I guess, this time, I’m slowly letting go, and being more of myself, or perhaps the side of me i never knew existed.

I realize that i have not been meeting new friends for the past year, or so, i still hang on to my friends from the past, not that we are no longer friends. but i relied on them too much that i stop myself from getting to know other people who could be friends

And I’m starting to read again, making time to read,

And maybe i do need to get a new hobby like one of my follower told me. I’m not sure what kind of hobby id go into, but when i do, i will make sure i try more things this year

I always believe that our time on earth is short, that we could die any time, anywhere, if He wills it. We may not have a chronic disease, but we should know that everyday, our age catches up with you, and without realizing, we are already half a decade or more.

In 2 years time, I will be 30. I never realize how fast time flies, all i know i was studying and studying, and continue studying. I had my own life, fortunate enough to know a lot of people , and blessed enough with the rare few friends who always have my back even if they are not here, a family that loves me and support almost anything i do, these people makes my life worth living , every single day. So much that i look forward to live the next day because i want to spend my time with them

Yesterday, my niece wanted to play at the playground as we were having dinner outside, and i obliged to anything she wants, even though i was already tired walking with her on the evening nearby our house. its nice to have a place to walk to, im glad my dad chose our home to be built close to the paddy field,else, i may have grown up being quite the opposite.

One thing i notice about my family esp my parents is that they gave me no reason to run away, because i feel at home whenever i am with them. Which is very important feeling to come back home to, perhaps thats what it feels to have someone to come back home to.

And although marriage never come across my mind often, i do think of it some times, just not too seriously.My first question of ‘When will you get married?’ was when i was 19, when my first brother got married. Then i did not hear it until my sister got married 5 years later, and people kept asking from then onwards.

Like the closer you are to graduation and expected to find a job, people kept asking and asking. At first i was annoyed but then i realize that they were just concern, and wants you to be happy as well. I am happy, at the moment, being single because this is the time i am supposed to be single. Slowly the pressure of getting married only last on the wedding day of my relatives, i never realize i have been avoiding some weddings, but i had to choose the people i genuinely are happy for them rather than pretending to be happy about it.

i think this is the time that i feel more at peace with myself, and start to realize who i am, although not everything. but im glad, that i no longer have to expect too much from life and live it as it is. for whatever reason, it certainly help me to notice more about the things around me, slowly, im letting go of life…the life that people expect you to be.

hopefully one day, i’ll be the person i am supposed to be. giving up, was probably the best part about this journey, i give up my ideals, my judgement, my expectation, and even my hopes.

But i will never give up on my dreams….im going to live this day with the thought that everything is possible, and there should be no reason at all i cannot achieve it, unless God have a different plan for me.

Giving up, is letting go of all the baggage you carry on your shoulder, loosen up a little and just enjoy the moment you have now. appreciate those around you, talk to them, and reconnect with the ones you love. it could be friends, family or even your other half.

whoever you spend time with, know that its the last time you will be with them, for who knows the future? if we were born only to die, we wouldnt be born at all. but life is a long journey but time is shorter than we think. so make the most of it,

stop trying too hard to please people but be pleased with yourself, accept who you are, embrace both the good and the bad side in you, for thats who you are and you can only exist with both inside you, what matters is which side you choose to lead your life as.

remove the people who hurt you, you are better off without them. thorns are to be pulled out and not left inside you. forgive them anyway because you need it the most, rather than those who hurt you. dont hold grudges or revenge, simply let go, and let God pay the debt they owe to you. the best thing you can do is be happy, that will drive your enemy crazy.

and no matter what you do, be happy, be happy to work, and not the other way round.  like they say, success can only be obtained if you are happy. it is not about gaining status, money or fame, but because you love what you do and happy with what you get and where you arrive in these stage of life.

as for love, leave it to the one who love you the most to choose and bring you to the person meant for you.Trust me, when the time comes, your soul will recognize each other, thats why they are called ‘soulmates’

After all, God is the best planner. Keep the faith.

 

*An old post.

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