And so we see millions and millions of humans living in a pseudo reality with a sense of self which is ultimately always insufficient, always fill of feelings, a sense of lack always needing more, always even needing to make enemies so that it can still define itself ‘Me’ and ‘The Other’ , needing some kind of conflict, so that its separate sense of self can remain in tact.
“What can I be in conflict with today?”
“What can I complain about now so that I can feel a little bit more myself? Are there it is!”
And so when millions of humans live like that then , the result is what we read as human history a dreadful tale of incredible sufferings that humans inflict on each other and other life forms on the planet. Incredible sufferings. And so the same you see on television tonight , when you switch on the news you will see just how mad the collective consciousness is of humanity in its present evolution. …and yet here we are. Here we are and we recognize that all that is a form of…collective mental illness that humanity is suffering from.
And so one can say,
“Well..how can God allow the whole species become mentally ill?”
And of cause you can ask on personal level,
“How can God allow me to be ill? How dare He allow me to be ill to suffer?”
And of cause, within the larger whole, everything has its place, and everything is as it should including your personal illness for the moment. Doesn’t mean healing cannot happen, but there are many humans here who were brought here, who would not be here, if they have not suffered some kind of dysfunction in their life. Physical illness perhaps? Or some great loss, and so you can already see on your personal level, that your sufferings, whatever it may be, to some extend, began to dissolve the egoic-structure…started to shake it loose. So that something else could come through.
And you suddenly found yourself becoming interested in the present moment, and then you end up here. And no matter what your story is, and some of you may feel that it was all one big mistake the story of Me was all one big mistake. You’re here now, and its amazing to be here now. And the outcome of all one big mistake was…now you are stepping out of it and you realize …yes this is how my life unfolded.
I could easily look upon my whole life up to that point ,as one complete disaster. Nothing actually worked out, I tried that for a few years, and then I was at the university, and then PhD and I gave that up, and then I drifted for a few years, and then I went into that, I tried that, and then my mother said
“Okay, now you are 45 , what have you achieved? Others have already build up a big business”
And so on the level of story, it was a big disaster, and yet fortunately, at some point already, I have given up identification with this story. The story was only my identity up to the age of 29 and it was very an unhappy one. The only success was ..I did well in university before I become a graduate student. And it made me happy for two weeks.
Isn’t it strange that a failed story can produce a flower? The flower of conciousness. And perhaps the flower of conciousness needs the mud, out of which it grows. You have the beautiful image out of the lotus, the symbol of buddhism, The lotus flower, it has its roots in the mud, and it grows out of that, and there’s nothing more beautiful, in human life than a failed story.
And the good news is, every story ultimately fails, because the story is based on the form of identification, identifies with forms, and no forms last for that long. No building last for that long, eventually it crumbles, all forms are temporary and they are beautiful
The essence that its hiding in each form is one life that is indestructible, but even this beautiful form, it is not eternal as a form, but the eternal signs through the form here, because forms are transparent. And you also are not eternal as this form and yet, a transparency is happening in you ,even as you sit here, which is beyond form, no matter what you call it, stillness presence, beingness, a deep sense of I am. That before got mixed up with story of Me, and that the preciousness of being is your true specialness.
What the egoic self have been looking for on the level of the story , I want to be special. That very thought, obscured the fact, that you are already could not be more special, than you aren ow. But not the egoic sense of you are more than he or she, special in a sense there is a beauty and preciousness , that is the essence of being , deep down you can sense even the person most completely identified by their story and their conceptual sense of self, they feel there’s somewhere, something, precious that is me, but they confuse with a form thought forms, it gets that essence of being, which is formed us and timeless, gets mixed up with forms with thoughts with that story in the head.
And that is what Buddha recognize as an illusion. Perhaps the greatest insight of humanity, when he recognize the self is an illusion. an d by that he means, the self identified with any form. And that is the illusion to lose oneself, in some forms, and then the preciousness of being, that is timeless and formless, in every human, in every life form, one could say incarnates in form. And there’s nothing wrong with incarnate as long as you know yourself as that , which is beyond form.
But if you lose yourself …you have to do that too, that is part of the totality, how things work. To lose oneself, as the buddha calls it ‘suffering’. Then you suffer, you dont know who you are anymore, you are looking for yourself in some form, in some thought form, in some physical form that you identify with, also thought forms, So everybody is looking for the essence, of their being not knowing that the specialness that they look for, is already the essence of who they are.
But they can only find it, when they stop looking for themselves, in the future. Through ‘more’. The one place where you can truly find yourself, most humans never look which is the present moment,they look there for themselves and to feel I want to be More.
On the level of form, you can temporary be ‘More’, thats true and then that dissolves again. But there is a level within yourself where More does not operate, you did not need to be more, you are already a full expression, of the One life.You are already complete.
The only reason why you needed time, was you needed to be ready, to hear this truth and recognize this as truth. You need time to hear the message, to be who you are you dont need time.But the paradox, there are still humans to whom this would be meaningless and they don’t come here. They need in other words, they need more time,they need to continue to look for themselves and they need to continue to be frustrated in their search. That is part of the larger design.
The frustration is built into, human existence and that’s what the world is formed. The so called world it is there to frustrate you, to drive you out of identification with forms, because as long as you identify that with forms, it is so frustrating. You can never make it and you can never arrange the forms and accumulate all the forms that you need , you think you need to be youself.
You can suddenly find, everything is now working in my life, my health is good, my relationship is great, money got possessions, everybody loves me, they all write good things about me, its all working, my job, my living situation my finances, my health, my relationship,they are all great. but before long, something there starts to crumble here or there , its either the finances, the relationship, the living situation, its in the nature of the world of forms, that nothing stays fixed for very long,so you just started to sort it all out.
And so that’s why the humans they experience life as series of frustrations, why can’t it work?? It doesn’t work because they are looking for themselves..there. They are demanding that the world of forms, should make them complete and happy. I demand that this world should complete who I am. Give me my sense of self, I just need this and that from there, and then that’s all, that is what I demand. And then its not happening, there’s something wrong here, life isn’t working. It seems to be working for everybody else, and its not working for me.
Its meant to be frustrating, There is a purpose but people hasn’t seen it, so its quite a relief to recognize first of all, the world cannot make me happy. To demand that situations, people, places or entertainment should complete me, or make me happy, are bound to be frustrating. Whether I attain or not attain,
That looks very negative, doesn’t it? And that’s why when you don’t go deeper, when you only see the surface, you see…all Prophet testaments said
“I’ve seen it all, I’ve done it all and its all completely meaningless”
That’s what he said. That’s probably an elderly men who had done it all. Why they put in the Bible? They put it there, because when you see the truth of it, you are already becoming free of it. The seeing of the inability of the world to make you happy, the seeing of this short lived nature of whatever forms you encounter in real life. What is it in you that is able to see that and say ”Aaahh” or even laughs what before was a dreadful story and frustrations, you suddenly step out of your own story and see at your own story is not your personal dilemma, but the human condition.
And you derive the sense of self from that, its nothing personal, its the human condition. Its a human condition in unconscious state , it un-enlighten state. And that’s what gives you your sense of personal self worth, and that’s what you want to cling to. And now you step out of it by simply seeing it, the seeing is something that is arising that is not part of that unconsciousness. Because when you see in you, the impermanent nature of all forms, the fictitious nature of the mind story, what is it in you to be able to look at that and see…
“Ahh, that is not thought, that is the ability to be aware and hold up the mirror of awareness and simply see its there.”
The light of awareness shines on it , and sees what before you were trapped in, frustrating story of my life, and there is no life that is ultimately frustrating, it loses its frustration when you do not look through the world for satisfaction, or for yourself
When you give up demanding, people,places,situations should make you happy,fulfil you, you don’t demand it anymore, then suddenly the ability arises to allow the forms of this moment to be as they are. Because life at this moment already, always as it is.