Being single and young, was easy for me. but being single and ‘old’ to the society’s eye is harder than i thought it will be Thankfully I did not grew up in certain environment where marriage is a priority at the first 5 years of my 20’s. But then, as you pass your 25th birthday, everything changes.
Not just physically , emotionally. Suddenly you start entering into this surroundings where people are more interested about you getting married than how you are, or what you are doing with your life.
Physically its exhausting because not only you have to answer and keep answering the whole big questions, but also you body are tired as you grow old. Just wait till you get to 25 and you will understand how it feels to get out of bed aching , panting as you no longer can keep up the same stamina you had 5 years ago, how you get short of breath even as easy as crossing the road , climbing up the stairs or chasing the bus. I no longer attempt to chase the bus if i see one and wait for the other bus to come no matter how long it takes.
I no longer try to be suicidal by trying to cross the road even if they are far away or slow enough to hit you. I never trust the traffic any more, because sometimes you can never expect that an empty road can suddenly pops out of nowhere a car or a motorcycle. It happens once and i’d rather not experience that for the last time. As for stairs, i never liked it anyway, it takes twice as much energy than going around on a flat road. So i’d rather climb the hill with roads than a stair. Or perhaps, i need to exercise more lol!
But i notice how i start to slow down things, sometimes even too much, and start to ‘smell the flower’ more. I don’t say this literally, but somehow i start to like taking nature photo, or the clouds, or pictures without me in it. Its as if, the centre of attention or subject of my photos are no longer about me but things around me, and people i am with. So i pretty much enjoys not to be in the picture much nowadays though sometimes i do have me on it whenever i feel like.
So as you grow old, which i am trying to embrace that fact now, is that you try to be more at peace with yourself.At peace of whatever that you hate, or hurt by, and try to let go one by one all the things that pulls you down or drags you back to your past. I ‘m not saying that i have totally move on from my past, but im glad that some of it have find its own closure.
Closure, is important, for those who could not let go, eventually they had to let go and move on with their life. Its just a matter of time for them to properly stitch their wound and heal from all the bitterness of life. You can’t force your feelings to stop, you have to decide that from this day, you are letting go of your past and look forward to your future.
Focusing on yourself will now be the main focus other than your own family. Its not selfish, but it is very important for one to learn to be whole first, before sharing it with others and compliment each other. I don’t see marriage as two imperfect people with all their flaws coming together anymore. But two different people, complimenting each other, with whatever they are already made of.
So its not fair for people esp married people to say we ..the singles do not understand what it takes to be married. In fact, they probably know more than the married couple – theoretically if not practically.Its just that they are still figuring out how to prepare themselves for marriage so that they don’t end up like their friends who may or may no longer be married..still.
It annoys you sometimes to be asked such questions like when you will get married ..as much as its annoying when people ask when you will graduate lol. But i learn the hard way that the only way not to be annoyed by it, is by not being one. Which means, welcome those question with open heart and reply in a kind manner that one day you will get married, that person will come, but it is up to God to bring that person at the appropriate time and person that is meant for us. So instead of being all bitter about it, be better and see it as questions that people are concern about you and would like to see your happiness.
Of cause on bad days, i resume to being bitter about it …sometimes lol!
But I realize that the more we let go of all the negativity, and think less of what other people say or do to you, the more you can focus on being a better person. They can…after all ..just hurt you with their words..but only if you let them. So there’s no need to fight off or defend yourself too much about how people should or should not say and simply ignore it. Or maybe just thank them for their concern because at least someone is concern about you than no one. Because what happens if your friends or family no longer ask you anything? Wouldn’t it be even worse than having at least someone ask you..even if its not the questions you have the answer to?
I especially love the reply from a friend i just knew, maybe i have shared before, but i’ll share it again as a reminder to myself should one day i get married..that i will not treat the single people the way other people treated me before.
Which goes something like,
“Don’t worry about being single, someone better is waiting to meet you all this time…”