“We…need to forgive ourselves…For all the things we didn’t do. All the things we should have done. You can’t get stuck on the regrets of what should have happened.” (p.166)
To those who don’t know , the above quote was taken from Morrie Schwartz, from Tuesday With Morrie by Mitch Albom. One of my favorite book that i find it inspirational. It was written through out the last days of Morrie Scwhartz life who is suffering from Lou Gehrig’s disease or Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) where his body will slowly loose its function and finally dies.
Reading the book made me learn a lot because through out his final days, he talked on various topic like Love, Marriage, Relationship and one that really touched me was on Forgiveness. The fact that he regretted not being able to forgive a dear friend of him who didn’t visit him when he undergo a serious surgery . He was so angry at his friend that he refuse to listen to his friend explanation for years. It is only after knowing that his friend have died of cancer that he realize what actually happened back then.
This chapter reminds me of a dear friend of mine , though we may have different personality and all. I always enjoy her company whenever she’s around. To some who might not know, our friendship starts with a little favor to help her visit a dear friend of her who just lost her dad. Lets just say that i helped her a little bit so that she can go back and attend her dear friend father funeral. We just know each other back when we were in our first year. I was surprised that i would help her esp the fact that i just knew her (that she is not my best friend that time that i’d do whatever i can to help). But, i felt good that i was able to help and from that day we became good friend though sometimes im worried that she is only friends with me because she was in debt of whatever i helped her through out our friendship.
As time goes, so does our friendship grows. And just like any other friends, we had our own arguements. So often that it lead to misunderstanding. At times i felt so tired of fighting with her that i wish we just stop being friends so that we don’t hurt each other. She always tell me whenever we fight that i should stand up and face our fight together and solve it together for i always run away. Perhaps its true, at times or maybe most of the time i would walk away hoping that things will be better.
One thing about her is that i always gets scared of her, she was that tough and strong kind of person who always say everything straight away. Thats why whenever she say anything, it was hard for me to hear it and always misunderstand that she was mad at me when actually she was just trying to say what she thinks. Its hard to differentiate when she is mad or just stressing a point since that she have a high voice. So, she started to tone down her voice whenever she talks to me and tell me when she is just explaining something or when she is not . While i try to not to misunderstand her ways and words whenever she talks to me.
After several of rows and fights, we pretty much get along with each other until one day something happened. Something that changed everything between us, so bad that even it took me almost a year to let go of whatever i felt towards her. So long that i was surprised that i could feel that way for because usually i was the one who put out that white flag whenever we fight no matter who’s right or wrong. But since that it is rather complicated for me to deal with which better off remain a secret between us, i find it hard to forgive her. And like Morrie, i ignored her and refuse to hear her explanation.
After month of travels, i met a wise men who advice me on how to deal with her. He said that if you cannot forgive someone that bad then it is best to forgive them for the sake of Allah. Because, if we really treasure that friendship, then its best that we let go of the things that came across our friendship and leave it behind. Something like that after some edited part =P
So i did. It was the hardest thing for me to do, for it is a month and month of anger held inside me, so bad that it hurts, so bad that it will trigger me to such anger whenever i remember it. It felt like something heavy that was clotting my heart, so heavy that i could not breathe. And just after i let that go, i felt soooooooooooo light as if i never had that feeling.
Now that im back, i tried to contact her and all, well at the first place i was slightly awkward so i took sometime to make the first move. Somehow everytime i met her, i can only smile but the words stuck inside. And she seems awkward also by the way she reacts. So, the best thing for me to do whenever i can’t say the word is by writing the words. So, i hope whenever you read this, hopefully it will help to clear things between us. Ive explained everything to you in an email before so i hope you can let that go also one day and leave all this behind,ok?
If we treasure that friendship then, we ought to break the iceberg that came our way before we can sail through the friend-‘ship’ that we have built so long. Lets patch those broken pieces together or perhaps just buy a new one? 😉
Sometimes, forgiving is the only thing we need to do whenever we feel so mad about something or someone. No matter how bad people treat you or the things that made you feel like ” I will never forgive you until i die” , i am sure that had that person was really sorry or not about what they did, the only people you hurt is yourself. Because hating someone is tiring what more forever?
Who knows one day that person learnt their lesson and became a better man but then we refuse to forgive them, and one day that person dies without being able to seek forgiveness from us? Imagine how much they will suffer in the after life? Wouldn’t it better to forgive them now than never? Hopefully by doing so will help to reduce their burden in the Judgement Day? What is there to compare with the forgiveness that our Prophet SAW had to forgive with all those non-muslims in the beggining of his Prophet life, despite of being treated so badly and humiliated in public, so bad that whenever he gives the signal that everyone who were already muslim that time including the Angel are ready to seek revenge for the things that his enemies did?
Forgive before its too late to forgive coz deep down there are part of you that is missing that person. Forgive so that you can create more good memories and rub off all that have happened. Forgive so that we don’t continue to hurt ourself by living in such anger. Forgive so that you can forget. Forgive by giving away that feeling, forget by getting back together. Hopefully by doing so will make us a better person . It is only then, we can move on with our life with a light heart and smile on our face. InsyAllah (“,)
“I wept recognizing that no one was perfect, and that if we expected to be loved for all our imperfections, why are we so reluctant to accept and forgive the imperfections of others?”